Being With Family You Don’t Like.
For many families the holidays are special times to connect with loved ones they don’t see often but, it can also be stressful as a backdrop for opposing personalities to collide. What if you could get together for hours with your siblings, in-laws, step-family members, (and others) over a holiday meal and leave without arguing or fighting explosively with anyone? Here are some tips to help you have a happier family holiday this year.
Signs of Conflict
Look for the warning signs. If you see any of these behaviours unfolding in your conversation with a family member you might be on the edge of another unfriendly dispute. (Based on the conflict research by Dr. Rob Kendal, Psychology Today)
- Blaming. Energy is focused on assigning blame on the other for the problem instead of seeking a solution.
- Intensity. Emotions take over, the intensity rises, voices raise and threats and insults are hurled.
- Dismissal of the other’s ideas and feelings. (“Yes, but…”). The other party’s opinions and feelings are ignored because they differ from the speaker. Persons therefore become argumentative and defensive in order to get heard or to win the debate.
- Domination and control of the conversation. This may look like interrupting, completing the other’s sentences, steering the topic and flow of the conversation, etc.
How to Turn Things Around (Relationship Repair)
Okay, what if you tried to swerve around conversation dangers but you still find yourself in a dispute with your family nemesis? Here are a few strategies to try to reduce the damage and avoid ruining the party:
Maybe Escape into a Kid Friendly Holiday Movie? – Suggestions here
The chain linking family and fighting can be broken. By making attempts at some of the strategies mentioned you might be able to enjoy get-togethers without wishing for a resident family counsellor to mediate.
What ONE tip would you give to a friend about keeping the peace? Please, offer more help for families by adding your ideas below.
Bonus:
Winter Family Fun Activities –
Video (3min) -The Money Couple shares: 3 Ways To Stay Out of Debt During the Holidays
Help for Families Canada in Edmonton (Southside & Downtown) offers counselling for families to help them resolve conflicts and learn to enjoy each other. (#family therapy, #counseling, #yeg).
SHARE & SUBSCRIBE……