As a parent, no one wants to see his or her own kids not getting

along.

Some days, it can seriously drive a parent mad, especially this one.

My three boys all get along for the most part but when they don’t,

they really don’t. Hitting, wrestling, stealing each other’s belongings,

harsh words…you know the drill.

 

So how do we manage the drama sibling rivalry creates in our

families?

Help for Families in Sibling Civil War

•  Hide in your closet and lock the door. Just kidding (sort of).

There are definitely times when you feel like giving up and

escaping. Guess what? That is okay and totally normal. In fact,

giving yourself a time out allows you to calm your frustrations and

think more clearly about what your next steps will be to end the

commotion.

•  Calm everyone down. You can investigate the “what” and “why”

in a bit. If your kids have been fighting, separate and help them to

compose themselves. Once the air is more peaceful, then uncover

the details.

•  Respect, respect, respect. It is not just about children respecting

parents, but their siblings, friends and of course themselves.

Deliver the message that at the end of the day you are family and

all love each other, even though at the moment you feel anything

but love for your siblings. When we have respect, we get respect.

•  Empathise (empathize) – Put yourself in your children’s shoes. When you are on their

level, either literally, by bending down to achieve equal height or

figuratively, by understanding what they are dealing with from their

perspective, it is easier connect with them. Your kids will

appreciate you understanding their point of view and it will allow

you to parent in the most effective way.

•  Teach your kids how to be their own peacemakers. As every

parent knows, constantly breaking up arguments gets really old,

really fast. When kids learn to figure out solutions on their own, it

will benefit them in the future, regarding friendships, future co-

workers and relationships. Suggest ways for your children to

achieve the goal of making peace with their sibling. Perhaps a

deep breath, taking a brief time out and then talking about the

situation could be extremely helpful in getting them to that level.

You know your child best and what would be effective. Create a

list of family mantras to hang on your fridge and work together to

build this list. Check in often to ensure everyone remembers what

these mantras are.

•  Emphasize the role of being a leader. Every child should be

aware that he or she is a role model for a sibling, whether older or

younger. A brother or sister is watching and emulating every

move and every word. If there are additional siblings, especially

younger ones who are not involved in the rivalry, it is even more

imperative to understand how negative actions can impact them.

•  Do not treat your children the same. This may initially confuse

you but remember that every child has a different personality and

as a parent, it is important to be sensitive to that. What works for

one may not work for the other, especially when it comes to

disciplining. You may have a child that is very sensitive and needs

more emotional attention and support while another, may respond

better to a different type of parenting. Recognize the talents each

child has and celebrate them. If one child is jealous of a sibling,

explain that everyone has their own special gifts and to be happy

for their brother or sister, not resentful.

•  Your love is an equal opportunist. With multiple children, it can

be difficult to give everyone the amount of attention they need.

That said, a large effort needs to be made in order to spend

individual time with each child. This is such a great way to get to

know your child, and discover what is going on in their world. How

many of you, looking back at your childhood, have said, “My

parents don’t understand me” or “My parents have no idea who I

really am”. Don’t let history repeat itself.