Parenting Tips to Change Whining & Begging to Acceptance & Appreciation
Reverse the Discontent. The holiday season can feel overwhelming. Stores overflow with ads, sales, and glittering displays. Kids, especially, are hit with constant reminders of what they “need.” Stan Bernstein called it the “Gimmies”—that endless list of wants.
The Dalai Lama put it simply: “When you are discontent, you always want more, more, more. Your desire can never be satisfied. But when you practice contentment, you can say to yourself, ‘Oh yes—I already have everything I really need.’”
Thanksgiving encourages us to count blessings, but gratitude shouldn’t stop once the leftovers are gone. The question is, how do we carry that mindset into everyday life for both kids and adults?
The answer is small, steady steps. With daily habits, families can shift from constant wanting to true appreciation. Here’s how to start.
When Kids Say “It’s Not Fair”: Turning Shopping Struggles Into Teachable Moments
Every parent knows the sting of a child’s words. Last week, while shopping for my daughter’s Christmas play costume, I faced one of those moments.
I set clear rules before entering the store: we were there for one item only, and we would be in and out. My 12-year-old son, N, didn’t like that plan. Almost immediately, he started pointing at hoodies and sweaters. With each “Why won’t you buy me this?” came comments that cut deeper: “You only buy nice clothes for A.” “You never get me anything good.”
The irony? Just the week before, I had surprised him with brand-new sneakers. And the hoodie he wore during this rant? Yes, I bought that too.
Why the Words Hurt So Much
It’s normal for kids to want things, but it feels different when requests turn into accusations. When N questioned my fairness as a parent, it stung—not because of the hoodie, but because it attacked my character. Like most parents, I work hard to give the best to both of my kids. Yet in his mind, my efforts disappeared in the heat of the moment.
Memory can be selective. Children often focus on what they don’t have, forgetting the things they already do. That’s where discontent creeps in, and where parents must guide them back to perspective.
- “Why can’t they just be appreciative?”
- “Why can’t they play with the toys they have asked for previously and now discard in a corner in their room?
- “Why can’t they see that their closets are enough?”
If you have had similar experiences and (internal) reactions, read on.
Finding the Teachable Moment
Instead of matching his frustration, I paused until we returned to the car. Then I gave him context: the sneakers last week, the hoodie on his back, and the effort I put into making sure both children feel cared for. It wasn’t about proving myself. It was about reminding him that fairness doesn’t mean getting something new every time we shop.
Moments like these are tough, but they open the door for teaching. Kids need help seeing the bigger picture—and sometimes, that means calmly pointing it out after the emotions cool.
Yearlong Activities For Moms and Dads To Foster More Thankfulness
1 Make or buy and send personalised thank you cards.
Develop a practise that whenever someone receives a gift or a kind gesture to encourage individuals to express appreciation via writing a personalized card. The cards may be DIY or purchased, it your choice.
2: Inspirational Reading.
Read books out loud together about characters who demonstrate gratitude. Below in the Resources you will find some links to books for toddlers to middle schoolers.
3 Journalling.
Depending on the age of your children each person may hold an individual journal or hold a big collective journal. A half blank and half lined exercise book is a simple adaptation of a journal for 3-6 year olds where they draw pictures and dictate their words. Below in the Resources you’ll find a #printable 12 Week Calendar of Prompts.
4 Blessing Scrap Book.
Memorialize great events in a scrapbook. Store pictures, ticket stubs, certificates, report cards, etc.
5 Family Community Service.
At the time of the year where the focus shifts to consumerism your child and teen can get caught in the “mommy I want”. Mommy please buy me…” This is the time to engage in a family in volunteering in your local community. Spend an afternoon at the food bank distributing food to the many families who use the service. Visit a shelter. It you do like going out and doing something, do a project at home and deliver or bring a charity or non-profit of your choice. Create a hamper for donation with all family members making or buying a select items for inclusion.
6 Incorporate Social Media- Share #Thankful Thursdays.
If you have teenagers, set one designated Thursday per month as family Thankful Thursday. Share on your social media your appreciation publicly, tag each other, if they will permit that.
For younger kids you adapt other ways to do #TT. You can select books to read together or out loud the promote the value of gratitude. Discuss how you can be inspired by the stories.
Below are some suggestions of books. (You can purchase direct from Amazon by clicking on link)
7. Grab bag of Appreciation
For family dinners and parties with friends collect names of attending guests in a party bag. If your kids are crafty or artistic they may enjoy designing & making name cards for the bag. When guests arrive they select a name. On the card allow space for guest to think ahead and make notes of responses regarding the identified person After dinner or at a later designated time everyone takes turn sharing an appreciated sentiment about the named person.
Suggestions include
A happy memory I have about …..
….. is very good at …..
… is helpful to others by ….
A universal mission of all parents is to raise happy healthy children For gratitude to have it’s full effects on optimising happiness it must be habitual. The habit of gratitude is a protective factor for many adverse circumstances that could crash into your the lives of your children and family. It’s starts with your leadership. Make a commitment today to at least one action, discuss it this weekend, start next week.
MORE RESOURCES FOR YOUR FAMILY’S TRANSFORMATION
DOWNLOAD Printable Calendar(pdf) – 12 weeks of Gratitude Conversation Starters & Journalling Prompts
4 Apps for Grateful Meditations My Counselling Clients Appreciate
- Bliss
- Insight Timer
- Unique Daily Affirmations
- Gratefulness
Read Aloud Books
Books For Toddlers & Preschoolers to Learn to Give Thanks
The Thankful Book – Todd Parr
Books for School Aged Kids to be Mindful to Count Their Blessings
Maddi’s Fridge –
Those Shoes –
Books for Junior High Tweens to Promote Positivity
Out of My Mind
Crenshaw
Kids Theme Song – Attitude of Gratitude by the Swinging Bells
Video – 3 Keys to Unlocking Gratitude – Ted X Talk – Jane Random (20 min)
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It’s a good article 😊.