Parenting Tips to Change Whining and Begging to Acceptance & Appreciation
Reverse the Discontent. Materialism can become a monster of the holiday season and with the intensification of marketing our children are especially vulnerable to the “Gimmies” (phrase by Stan Bernstein). We know the truth: Dalai Lama states: “When you are discontent, you always want more, more, more. Your desire can never be satisfied. But when you practice contentment, you can say to yourself, ‘ Oh yes – I already have everything I really need”. The Thanksgiving holidays has just passed when the talk and buzz about counting blessings were trending but how do we translate that season of mindfulness about being appreciative into our everyday lives for the very young to the mature in our families. To change the culture of our families we must take action, small consistent actions that are embedded into our family life. Read on and get access to practical, easy activities and printable resources you can implement today to have contented kids and a happier home.
A Personal Story of Dealing with Discontented Children
Last week I went into a popular clothing store with my two kids aged 12 (son, N) and 7 (daughter ,A) to buy my daughter the costume for her #Christmas drama performance. I set the stage from in the car, “we are only going in for 15 minutes, and I am only buying the one item today”. “But mom, you are always buying nice clothes for A, the clothes you buy for me is crappy”, said my son out loud while he opens the door for us and another customer to enter the store. While in the section looking for the intended item, N comes over with a hoodie, “Can I get this?”. “Why won’t you buy me anything?” Two minutes later, “What about this one, I can wear it to school”. “I need a new sweater”. “You only buy nice clothes for yourself”. These rants went on and on until I cashed out and went back to the car, where I responded to him. Let’s go back and give you a perspective. The week prior I bought N a new pair of brand names sneakers while I was browsing a store by myself. The sweater hoodie he lives in and was wearing on his person during this rant, was bought by moi.
The repetition of this kind of interaction is hurtful. It is one thing when they ask for an item. But when my child starts making critical statements about my character it stings. I am not neglectful, I am not insensitive, I am not discriminating. I give the best I can to both my kids, like most of us do, but memory is very selective (grunt).
“Why can’t they just be appreciative?”
“Why can’t they play with the toys they have asked for previously and now discard in a corner in their room?
“Why can’t they see that their closets are enough?”
If you have had similar experiences and reactions, read on.
Yearlong Activities For Moms and Dads To Foster More Thankfulness
1 Make or buy and send personalised thank you cards.
Develop a practise that whenever someone receives a gift or a kind gesture to encourage individuals to express appreciation via writing a personalized card. The cards may be DIY or purchased, it your choice.
2: Read books out loud together about characters who demonstrate gratitude.
Below in the Resources you will find some links to books for toddlers to middle-schoolers.
Depending on the age of your children each person may hold an individual journal or hold a big collective journal. A half blank and half lined exercise book is a simple adaptation of a journal for 3-6 year olds where they draw pictures and dictate their words. Below in the Resources you’ll find a #printable 12 Week Calendar of Prompts.
4 Blessing Scrap Book.
Memorialize great events in a scrapbook. Store pictures, ticket stubs, certificates, report cards, etc.
5 Family Community Service.
At the time of the year where the focus shifts to consumerism your child and teen can get caught in the “mommy I want”, “Mommy please buy me…” This is the time to engage the family in volunteering in your local community. Spend an afternoon at the food bank distributing food to the many families who use the service. Visit a shelter. If you do not like going out and doing something, do a project at home and deliver or bring it to a charity or nonprofit of your choice. Create a hamper for donation with all family members making or buying a select items for inclusion.
6 Incorporate Social Media as a Share #Thankful Thursdays.
If you have teenagers, set one designated Thursday per month as family Thankful Thursday. Share on your social media your appreciation publicly, tag each other, if they will permit that.
For younger kids you adapt other ways to do #TT. You can select books to read together or out loud the promote the value of gratitude. Discuss how you can be inspired by the stories.
Below are some suggestions of books.
7.Grab bag of Appreciation
For family dinners and parties with friends collect names of attending guests in a party bag. If your kids are crafty or artistic they may enjoy designing & making name cards for the bag. When guests arrive they select a name. On the card allow space for guest to think ahead and make notes of responses regarding the identified person After dinner or at a later designated time everyone takes turn sharing an appreciated sentiment about the named person.
A happy memory I have about …..
….. is very good at …..
… is helpful to others by ….
The One Most Important Ingredient To Making It Work.
A universal mission of all parents is to raise happy healthy children For gratitude to have it’s full effects on optimising happiness it must be habitual. The habit of gratitude is a protective factor for many adverse circumstances that could crash into your the lives of your children and family. It’s starts with your leadership. Make a commitment today to at least one action, discuss it this weekend, start next week.
Resources or Tools To Drive Your Success In The Transformation
Help for Families Canada is a counselling and consulting organisation serving Edmonton, locally, and families, globally. We specialise in offering child and family therapy for kids and parents via play therapy interventions.
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