Helping Your Child Heal After A Loss

Death is final. Kids don’t always understand that. But, they feel the pain of losing someone. This pain looks different in kids than in adults. It can be hard for parents to know how to help. That’s why understanding childhood grief recovery is so important. This post will help you see how grief affects young children. You’ll learn how to give better support. Remember, kids can experience loss in many ways. Your child, or other kids you know, may be hurting. You can help. Learn about childhood grief recovery. Read and watch to find out #howto support a grieving child.”

Childhood Grief – Types Loss Kids Experience

 Loss of a parent – divorce or separation

 Death of a parent, sibling or family member

 Loss or death of a family pet

 Loss of opportunity to share future life milestones with their lost loved one.

 Loss of familiarity and belonging in community when families move

 Loss of connection to a friend because of distance or conflict in relationship

 Loss of togetherness of family for special events post divorce

 Foster kids lose the sense of identity and family practices from birth families

  Access to memorable objects that are left behind or destroyed

The Tasks of Grief Recovery

Healing through the grief process is a complicated journey. However, experts have identified 4 key challenges. Many will face these challenges along the journey.

T =  To Accept the reality of the loss

E – Experience the pain of the loss

A = Adjust to the new environment without the person

R = Reinvest in the new reality

Children Talking about Grieving After Death of Family Member

A wonderfully produced video produced by CBS station, hosted by Katie Couric. If you don’t know her story Katie’s husband died when her children were still very young. She, like many others, had to grow to learn how to survive through her own pain while supporting her children.

Key Learnings from Video on How to Support Children after a Death

• Its not possible, as a parent, to protect children from ever feeling pain.
• 1 out of 20 children will lose at least 1 parent or sibling by the time they are 15 years old
• Children want an answer for “where did the deceased loved one go?” Very young children struggle to understand the finality of death.
• Children need to be told the truth. Use the hard “D-Word”. The person has died, s/he is dead. Avoid language like “passed”, “gone to sleep and didn’t wake up”, “lost”, etc.
• Understand that children have a range of emotional reactions to death. They will express sadness, they will express anger, confusion, and even “the appearance of happiness”. Dr Silverman states that children laugh or smile. She refers to this as the “fear-grin” reaction. They are frightened but do not know how to express it.

Recommended Storybooks for Parents To Read with Children

As a child therapist, I often use storybooks in my play therapy practice. They help kids understand the language around death. These books normalize different feelings. They also identify ways to think about the loss and cope better.  I am sharing with you three of my favourites in the bereavement theme. You can make a quick purchase from Amazon by clicking on picture.

                                        

Why You Might Want to Get Counselling for A Child

When a family member dies, the adults in the family may be overwhelmed by their own grief and experience great difficulty in whole-heartedly supporting a child too. It might be a benefit for your child to have a neutral party to come alongside and walk with them through their grief journey. A professional counsellor will not be triggered emotionally by the child’s emotions and behaviour, and have the skills and tools to engage a child at their developmental level.

Help for Families Canada offers guidance and support for children, teens, and families as they travel through the journey from pain to peaceful acceptance. You can read more about our child play therapy counselling services. If you’d like to talk with us, book online your free inquiry phone call (see green button  in page footer).