Family Centered New Year Resolutions for Lifetime Impact
Parenting is complex but it does not have to be too complicated. Below you will find 5 actionable resolutions or decisions you can make and take consistently to positively transform your parent-child relationships. When your family has positive parent-child relationships it has significant spinoff benefits for emotional wellbeing, resilience and capacity to thrive for all family members.
Schedule time monthly in advance for Self-Care .
In 2021 I researched and published an article on selfcare for child play therapists (see reference below). One key finding is that having passive intention to do more self-care does not translate into action. Persons who are committed to self-care make it a priority by prescheduling time off in their schedules for the self-care activity of their choice.
Today take out your calendars or planners and mark off times for your self-care for January, February, and March.
2. Be curious about your child’s world, interest & strengths
When I conduct intake sessions for child therapy with parents one of the key questions I ask is about their child’s interests and personal strengths. Often a parent can tell that their child spends a lot of time videogaming, but when asked “What is their favourite game right now?” they are unable to answer anything specific.
We spend a lot of time doing things for our children (helping with homework, driving them to soccer, hockey, or dance practise, feeding them etc.) and I understand how these responsibilities added on our professional lives can be exhausting. However, asking a few curious questions about their likes, dislikes, dreams and trying to get to specifics will build a stronger connection between yourself and your child.
Be encouraged to keep expressing interest even if your child or teen seems closed off and gives you “one-word answers”. Your persistence in the pursuit of a close parent-child relationship matters.
3. Build a collaborative partnership with your co-parent
Whether you and your co-parent are in an intact romantic relationship or have been separated for some time, it is important to be sharing in the load of the parenting responsibilities and engagement.
(If you are in a high-conflict separation and evidence proved to be in your best interest to do exclusive parallel parenting, skip this point).
One of the practical solutions to reduce parenting stress is parenting as a team. Having someone else to tag in and out of situations that are triggering for you is a blessing. It is valuable to discuss concerns with a concerned parenting partner and brainstorm together potential solutions. It matters to have someone in your family unit from whom you can gain emotional support (just listen to you vent without judgment).
Practically speaking this means resolving to having transparent conversations about how parenting is going for you. Share answers to:
-What triggered you recently in an interaction with your child?
-What ways recently did you feel isolated or alone in a parenting situation?
-Validate verbally to your partner a recent experience when you admired how they stepped up in their parenting.
– What areas do you each see as strengths you have in parenting and plan how to maximise these individual strengths for the common good of the family.
If your biological coparent is not available to be of support, consider enrolling another member of your circle to provide occasional substitute role. This person could be a family member, a close trusted friend, or a trusted member of your church or faith community.
4. Improve on your Active Listening skills in parenting
Active Listening is, in my opinion as a parenting coach, the most valuable skill in parent-child relationship building, no matter what age your child is. To put into a summary here is a brief overview on how to be a better listener:
- Listen with your eyes – pay attention to the non-verbal messages when your child is talking. Look at their eyes, look at their posture, look at their body movements.
- Ask curious, open-ended questions. Start your questions with “who, “how”, “why’ rather then “when”, “where”, and “what”. Or make inviting statements like: “Tell me more about that”, Describe what you were thinking in the moment.”
- Respond to what you hear by restating in your own words what you understood.
- Ask for clarifying questions when you are not sure you understand the whole picture.
- Reflect on what your child was feeling in or about the story they are telling you. Do not minimise, dismiss, or oppose how your child tells you they are feeling. Their feelings are true for them even if you would not feel the same if you were in their situation.
“That made you feel – sad/mad/surprised/happy/worried.”
5. Spending more one-to-one time with each child
Investing in quality family time is invaluable. If you want to work on that, you absolutely should. Since each child has a unique parent-child relationship, it is important to invest quality time in these connections. By doing so, you not only strengthen the bond but also foster a deeper understanding and support for each child’s individual needs.. Decide on activities based on the child’s development age, interests, and availability.
Positive relationships improve communication, reduce conflict, and enhance cooperation. You won’t have to yell so often or repeat yourself; children will be more open to listening to you. To make it simple and measurable, you could begin with one activity per month per child. Again, scheduling this quality time is necessary to hold you accountable for taking action.
Take Aways for Stronger Parenting
In essence, fostering a stronger, more connected family doesn’t require drastic overhauls, but rather consistent, intentional shifts in our daily interactions. By prioritizing self-care, cultivating curiosity, nurturing co-parenting partnerships, honing active listening skills, and dedicating individual time to each child, we lay the groundwork for a more harmonious and fulfilling family dynamic. These five resolutions are investments in the emotional well-being of our children and ourselves, creating lasting positive impacts. By embracing these practices, we can transform our homes into spaces of understanding, respect, and love, fostering strong, resilient relationships for a lifetime.
Remember, parenting is a journey, not a destination, and there will be times when you need extra support. If you are struggling with your parenting, consider reaching out to a parenting coach. They can provide personalized strategies, tools, and encouragement to help you create the fulfilling family life you envision.
Learn More About Parent Coaching @ Help for Families Canada
Help for Families Canada has an exclusive personalised parenting program. We build our support to match the unique needs & characteristics of your child & yourself & the dynamic between you.
Also available is a program for parenting a child with ADHD as part of our ADHD Coaching Service.
Great article
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