7 Keys to Disciplining Your Anxious Child

Parenting Child with Anxiety - Discipline

Transform Your Parenting From Doubtful to Confident & Effective: Strategies for Parenting a Child with Anxiety – Discipline That Works

Parenting a child with anxiety is tough — especially when you’re busy and just want to do the right thing. “Parenting Child with Anxiety – Discipline” can feel like walking a tightrope. You want to set boundaries but worry you’ll make things worse. If you’ve ever felt guilty after a tough moment or unsure about how to respond, you’re not alone. This guide offers simple, gentle strategies to help you feel more confident — and support your child with care.

One Parent’s Story: Can You Relate? 

Anxious Child – Anxious Mom

Anxious Child - Anxious Parent - Family Therapy Online

Tamika (alias) is a devoted mother of two — a lively 13-year-old and a sensitive 7-year-old. Like so many working moms, her days were a blur of meetings, meals, and managing meltdowns. She came to see me out of concern for her younger daughter. She had started clinging to her more than usual and constantly asked for reassurance. Tamika found herself walking on eggshells, questioning every decision — from what to say, to how firm to be. Her older child was bold and social, always testing boundaries, while her younger daughter needed more gentle handling. She felt torn between raising her to be confident and not overprotecting her.

Transformation of Anxious Parent towards Confident Discipline

She spoke kind, encouraging words to her often. But in the quiet moments, she wondered if she was babying her. She felt emotionally drained by how much she needed her. The thought of pulling away filled her with guilt. When she resisted chores, saying they were “too hard” and called her “too bossy,” she hesitated to push back. It felt easier to just help her. But deep down, she knew she needed something more — structure, confidence, and her steady presence.

Over the next six months, Tamika built the skills to respond with calm consistency, not fear or frustration. She began to see her children’s different needs clearly and found her rhythm as a mom to both. Most importantly, she discovered how to show her daughter that her love was strong enough to set boundaries. Her love was also steady enough to stay.

So here are some of the tools that Tamika gained during her parent coaching sessions on “Parenting Child with Anxiety – Discipline.” While there were many more strategies explored, I can only share a limited number in this blog post. Still, these few tools can make a meaningful impact. They are simple and powerful. These tools help you strengthen your connection with your child. You will feel more confident in how you approach discipline with care and clarity.

Take one key strategy at a time and be kind to yourself throughout the process. Allow yourself the space to master your transformation, including the inevitability of making mistakes along the way.h to make a significant step in changing your parent-child relationship). Take and implement one key at a time. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself room to master your own transformation, which includes making mistakes.

Anxiety - Child Play Therapy - Parenting _ Family Therapist

Discipline Child with Anxiety – 7 Keys to Guide Parents

1.Set clear rules and expectations.

Give your child a vivid description and experience of what your expectations and standards are. You may role-play out your rules and procedures. When communicating your rules, discuss the underpinning values. This helps them understand why the rule exists. It also emphasizes the importance of respecting it. For example, we don’t have cell-phones at the dinner table because spending time focusing on family relationships is important. And, discuss the process of communications – how warnings and consequences will be given and implemented. Knowledge is security for your anxious child.

2. Consistency is key.

Inconsistency is anxiety provoking for any young child. Set up regular routines – a predictable pattern of when, where, and how things are done. Predictability increases their sense of safety.

3. Be a good role model of stress & emotional management.

This is self-explanatory but worth mentioning. If you remain calm and disciplined in your approach to life, your child will model your behaviour. Your child will learn to handle problems in his life. The best way for your child to learn discipline is by experiencing at home.

4. Communicate unconditional love.

“Make sure s/he knows that although you want and expect them to do better next time, you love them no matter what” (Foxman, p.99). This is important for your child. Anxious children are often inclined to hold themselves to perfectionist standards. They measure their self-worth by how well they can please others. As a result, even a single moment of displeasure from you will feel, to them, like a complete rejection. Your anxious child needs frequent reassurance of your unconditional love and acceptance.

One simple yet powerful way to support this is through the occasional offering of grace. Surprise them occasionally by letting an act of misbehavior go. No lectures, no consequences — just quiet forgiveness. When children receive grace, they begin to understand how to extend that same kindness to themselves.

5. Ensure your expectations are developmentally “reasonable”.

Statistically speaking, parents of anxious children will either underestimate or overestimate their child’s abilities. They may misjudge their child’s coping skills and stress tolerance. Your child may already have unreasonably high expectations of themselves. They worry about meeting these expectations. Ensure you are not compounding this by having unreasonable standards too. Consult with teachers or parent educators or research about what behaviours and discipline procedures are appropriate for your child’s age. For example, the homework of a 16 year old should require less monitoring than an 8 year old. By over-monitoring a 16 year old, you may show a lack of confidence in her abilities. You may deny her the chance to develop the self-discipline she needs to succeed independently in life.

6. Discuss or offer a positive alternative the next time a similar situation occurs.

Children do not always know the right thing to do in a problematic situation. When correcting them include a statement of instruction on appropriate ways to behave. For example, “we do not run away from the classroom when we do not want to read in class, instead we can… (a), ..(b), or …(c).” With older children you can guide them through the problem solving process by asking them to tell you a number of possible solutions and selecting the most appealing.

7. Establish your authority as a safety net.

Many children with anxiety because of their need for personal safety may become the little directors and authorities in their families. Their controlling behaviours, which may include some non-compliance, are often problematic for parents who do not understand the security need behind it. The misconception most parents develop is that children need to be in control to feel safe. However, your anxious child needs you to affirm yourself as the competent authority figure in their lives. They need to know you are capable and trustworthy. This doesn’t mean becoming dominant or controlling but it does mean having clear limits, and standing confident in your enforcement of these limits. Based on their own personalities and personal issues, some parents need support as they begin to assert themselves, either from a counsellor or partner.

The task of discipline is primary in the role of being a parent. It has its challenges, such as learning by trial and error and retrial. However, you can be successful in helping your anxious child develop the self-discipline he or she needs to be independently successful in life.


Therapy for Children with Anxiety

 Resources For Parenting Children with Anxiety

Anxiety Canada

Anxiety Disorders Association of Canada -Find your local province chapter for more resources.

Mistake Monday– A Challenge to reduce perfectionism in families. This is an illustration of the types of playful approaches that I use in family play therapy to help support the family system.

#playtherapy #edmonton

YouTube Video on Childhood Anxiety

Therapy for Children with Anxiety & Parenting Coaching

Help for Families Canada offers play therapy (counselling) for children in Sherwood Park, South Edmonton  who suffer from excessive worries, difficulty separating from parents, appear socially withdrawn (shy), or is driven for perfection. We also coach parents in how to manage these behaviours at home and in the community (parent skills training). If you are looking for a child therapist near you – we are adjacent to Bonnie Doon, Jackson Heights, Capilano & Forest Heights.


Therapy for Children with Anxiety

Invitation to Help Other Families & Parents

YOU are also an expert in your own parenting journey. I’d love to hear your thoughts on these 7 keys to “Parenting Child with Anxiety – Discipline.”

  • Which of these keys resonated most with you?
  • Have you tried any of them before — and if so, what worked or didn’t work?
  • Which one do you think would be the most challenging to put into practice right now?
  • Or is there a key you believe should be added to the list?

Share your experiences in the comments — your story will be just what another parent needs to hear today.

Child Social Skills: What is Reasonable to Expect? (Tips by Age)

Watching your child feel lonely or struggle with being left out is one of the hardest experiences for a parent. It’s natural to worry whether their development is on track, but understanding child social skills by age can offer much-needed clarity.

Robert Selman (1981) proposed a foundational framework for how children’s perspectives on friendships and social interactions evolve over time. By recognizing these shifting stages, you can better understand your child’s world. Outlined here are insights into his research and practical suggestions for how you, as a parent, can use this knowledge to guide your child’s social growth and strengthen your family relationships.

Stage 1: Friendship Based on Proximity  (3-7 years)

Definition: Anyone who is sharing the physical space can be a ‘friend’ in that moment. They express no sense of “loyalty” to friends. They are easily distracted by the new kid in the room with the newest toys.

Parenting Implications: 

This is a phase to be very relaxed about your expectations of your child’s relationships. Planning play-dates for them around your convenience and even your friends is acceptable. Don’t be disturbed if they express no sense of “loyalty” to friends. Teach your child how to enter and exit a playgroup graciously. Additionally, talk about and “practise” different ways to manage being left behind or excluded in a playgroup.

Similarly at this stage “family” are those people around me that play with me. To begin to lay core family relationship values I encourage you to spend time with them in their space sharing a similar activity with or alongside them.

Stage 2: One-Way Assistance  (4-9 years)

A friend is someone who does what you want them to, who helps you and “shares” some interests  (or, at least, offers little resistance to one’s interests).

Parenting Implications :

Teach children how to share with and help others.

Begin to introduce children to the basic process of how to talk to their friends about what they feel, want, and need. The first step is to help them to identify their own feelings and wants so that they can communicate these to others. During family interactions describe to your child what you think they are feeling and wanting in the situation and then seek clarification from them about the accuracy of your understanding.  Be patient however with your expectations of them genuinely empathising with the needs and views of others, this often doesn’t develop until age 9+.

As a family do things together that is fun for everyone. Promote routines such as chores as a way to help and share the responsibilities in the family.

Stage 3: Fair Weather Cooperation (6-12 years)

Friendship is conditional on “getting along”. Friendships easily ‘dissolve’ once there is a disagreement or conflict.  Children now describe their friends in terms of personal characteristics or qualities.

As children reach the stage where they can reflect on their own needs and how others perceive them, self-awareness becomes a vital tool. This is especially true for neurodivergent children; for more on this, see our guide on Building ADHD Self-Advocacy to help your child communicate their needs to peers and teachers.

Parenting Implications:

Speak to your child about the value of commitment in friendships. This is an important phase to talk with your child about the qualities that make a “good friend”; encourage them how to be a good friend and recognise a good friend. Point out that good friends are hard to find and worth keeping in spite of differences of opinion.  Watching and commenting on the relationships in the media is a non-intrusive way to explore these values. You may also use family relationships, such as siblings,  as model for how relationships endure over differences.

Continue to support your child’s problem-solving skills.

Discuss with your children the core values underlying the family rules and routines you establish.

Stage 4: Intimate & Mutually Shared Relationships  (9-15 years)

Intimacy and getting to know each other begins to develop in friendships. Children begin to share their problems, concerns, secrets with select friends. Kids can resolve conflicts. They may be very possessive of their best-friend or “bff” at this stage. Cliques may develop and become exclusive.

In adolescence, the ups and downs of friendships may have significant impact on youth’s emotional well-being.

Parenting Implications:  

Model and structure more egalitarian styles of relating for youth in your family relationships. Ensure that youth have the basic skills of how to be open and communicative of their thoughts and feelings and to be empathetic towards the thoughts and feelings of others.

If your teen has a good quality friend, trust them and take comfort in it. Don’t take it too personally if your child is sharing more with her bff than you. At least you know she/he has someone to share with.

Set limits on special family time as exclusive time too.  Explain that special family times are times with them when you do not want to share them with their “other friends”. Clarify that this applies whether it be virtual phone/internet/text or physical.  Negotiate with your child on how you set these limits. Some families have no phones at dinner time, and some families have scheduled exclusive family activities.

Continue to reinforce in your tween’s values what defines a “good friend”, how to be a good friend, as well as, recognise one.  This can be done quite casually be describing and commenting on other observed relationships you see in the media.

Stage 5: Autonomous Independent Friendships (12-adult)

Friendships can still be intimate and supportive but they allow individuals more freedom to have other friendships and relationships.

Parenting Implications:

They are forming their own support system now and are growing less reliant on you for support. This does not mean that you are no longer important to them or that you are not a significant source of support, but you may have to become more accepting of their other relationships. This is a time for you as a parent to expand on and strengthen your own social relationship.  As your older teen (17+) develops more independence and maturity, you will find your relationship transition into a more equal relationship, where you can disclose more about your own life with them.

In regards to family relationships, you can continue to sustain a routine of family time as you have had but should now be involving your mature teen in the decision making about family activities. Ask them to plan a family night? Ask them about and show consideration for their schedule when planning family activities?  Be open to including a special friend or romantic partner in what would have been an exclusive family activity.

 

Additional Resources for Teaching Social Skills At Home

How Cliques Make Kids Feel Left Out

parenting resource book to help teach social skills at home - Making Friends.

 

Why Will No One Play With Me?

A book recommended for parents with a child with ADHD. Parents of nuerotypical kids who are also feeling socially isolated will benefit as well.

Counselling for Children who Struggles Socially

At Help for Families Canada we offer one on one counselling in person and online using play therapy to help children develop social skills and social confidence.

Learn more about Child Play Therapy

Learn more about ADHD Coaching for Kids

Your Invitation for Helping Children

What other strategies have you used to help your child expand their social circle and keep them closely connected to your family? Please share your thoughts below.

WARNING – Red Flags in Relationship

  Is this dating relationship right for you? 

Continue reading “WARNING – Red Flags in Relationship”

Co-Parents Holiday Gift Rules

How to Reduce Conflict and Stress During the Holiday Season

               

Give Love, Great Gifts, and Avoid Stress.

  1. RULE #1. Leave the competitive spirit out of the holidays. Your gift to your child is about your love for them; it is not about how better you are than their other parent. Competing with your ex through gift-giving will do definite harm to your relationship with your child.  Teens especially see through this and, though they will accept your gift, they will also resent it. One tip to avoid this is to agree with your co-parent on the budget for gifts beforehand.

2.  Schedule with your co-parent a time where you go shopping with the children, (if that’s what you do) and/or a time for opening presents. Maybe this year you’ll open presents at your house on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day or maybe New Years. (Put all schedule arrangements in writing)

3. Have children create separate lists for each household. 

4. Share or Coordinate gifts. If a child wants a single expensive item, e.g., a computer, share the costs and make it a joint gift from Mom and Dad. Yes, divorced couples can still do that, and it sends a positive message to the kids. Or coordinate complimentary gifts. For example, if Amy wants the new Little Pet Shop Doll, one parent buys the doll and the other buys some related accessories.

5. Talk with each other on what you plan to buy and set a reasonable budget. Let the other parent know what you plan to buy so as to avoid duplication. If you set budgets for Christmas gifts, maximum of 100 per child, engage your parenting partner in that discussion.

Read Related :Gary Direnfeld  shares Four Strategies for Planning Spending This Christmas

6.  Take the high road and talk through potential conflicts about the appropriateness of gifts. If dad doesn’t think his 11 year old daughter is old enough to have a cell-phone please do not buy it for her without at least having that conversation with him. If there is a difference of opinion on the appropriateness of a gift engage the other parent to find out what are their concerns. If Molly had the cell-phone what are you afraid would happen? Listen to find out where the concerns lie, is it about how the gift affects her (distraction from schoolwork), the family (disconnection from family due to pre-occupation on cell with friends) or the parent (having to pay the bill)?  Maybe once to get to the core of the concern you can then brainstorm alternate strategies to reduce or eliminate these and find an agreeable solution. For example, maybe set mutually agreed upon rules about how the gift will be used at each home, e.g., turn off the cell phone at meal times.  If no mutually agreeable solution is forthcoming, it is also possible to limit that gift to the supporting parent’s house. So, when Molly visits Dad she leaves the cell-phone at your house. #kids

Continue reading “Co-Parents Holiday Gift Rules”

Understanding Play Therapy- How Play Helps Your Child Heal

Play Therapy in Counselling Children in Southside Edmonton

Play Therapy Children Mental Health Issue eg Anxiety & ADHD, in Edmonton Sherwood Park, Beaumont
Kids Heal Themselves in Play Therapy

Ever wonder how children navigate the big, sometimes overwhelming world of emotions? They don’t always have the words, do they? That’s where the magic of play therapy comes in. It’s a powerful modality that helps children express and process their feelings and experiences in a way that makes sense to them. Think of it this way: play is a child’s language, and the toys in the playroom are their words. Just as adults in traditional therapy talk through their challenges, in play therapy, a child plays through theirs. This allows them to explore complex emotions, process difficult experiences, and begin to heal. It’s a journey of discovery, and the transformation can be remarkable. Want to learn more about how play therapy heals and empowers children? Read on…

Modalities of Play Therapy

Play therapy can be directive or child-centered. In directive play therapy the therapist directs the content and flow of the child’s play experience often by structuring the toys and processing the child’s experiences. On the other hand, play therapy can be non-directive or child-centred, here the child determines the content and flow of the play process, and the therapist follows the child and supports them in their experience. The principle of child-centred play therapy is to promote the child’s experience of unconditional acceptance, mastery and control over their life, and self-directed growth.

Boys in Play Therapy in Beaumont & Edmonton learn emotional intelligence eg ADHD, Anger.
Boy works through issues while playing in the sand

I believe in a flexible approach to therapy, blending two styles to best support each child. Think of it as weaving together guidance and freedom, creating a space where play therapy heals.

In our initial sessions, I empower the child to guide the process. Building trust means respecting their autonomy. I create a safe space where they feel heard and understood, reflecting their feelings and experiences to them. They choose the toys and activities that resonate with them, and through their play, they explore their inner world. This child-centered approach is essential for establishing a strong therapeutic relationship.

Sometimes, though, a little direction can be helpful. Depending on where the child is in their journey, I might introduce a therapeutic game, share a story that speaks to their situation, or use puppets or sandtray miniatures to explore a challenge together. These activities offer a gentle way to address difficult emotions and experiences, supporting the process of how play therapy heals.

The beauty of this approach is that it adapts to each child’s unique needs. It’s a balance of honoring their autonomy and providing support and guidance when needed. My goal is to create a space where every child feels safe, accepted, and empowered to heal and grow through the power of play.

play-problem-solver-quote-tania-bryan-therapy-edmonton

Demonstration of What Play in Therapy Looks Like

Individual sessions with a child is confidential. Parents do not get to observe their child’s engagement and many are left wondering outside the room, “what’s really going on in there?”

Below is a video – Play Therapy Works by the American Association of Play Therapist (APT) illustrating in more detail the benefits of play and play therapy. (#playtherapy)

Watch Video:    Play Therapy Works – Child Therapy https://youtu.be/_4ovwAdxCs0

Talking To Kids About Going To See A Counselor or Psychologist

Do you wonder how to talk to your child about coming to see a counsellor? Below is a great article by another play therapist on what to say before bringing your child to counselling. It guides you on how to talk with your child about therapy once counselling has begun.

Open Article:  Explaining Play Therapy to Children

My Qualifications to Do Play Therapy

I have been studying play therapy since summer of 2001. Over the years I have attended dozens of professional development courses. As part of my Masters Degree  at Simon Fraser University I conducted research on the dynamics of Parent-Child Play where I observed mothers playing with their children and interviewed both parents and children about their experiences of play at home.  I am a member of the British Columbia Play Therapy Association (BCPTA) and the Canadian Association for Child and  Play Therapy (CACPT) and in the process of completing my certification as a Registered Play Therapist. My work is supervised by two registered play therapist supervisors both of whom have made noteworthy contributions to child psychotherapy locally and in Canada.

Art in Play in Therapy is Transforming Kids in South Edmonton
Art is a free medium for expressing experiences for kids. Fun & Healing.

Request A Call

Parent Resources To Find Out More Information About Play Therapy

American Association for Play Therapy 

Canadian Association for Child and Play Therapy 

British Columbia Play Therapy Association 

Alberta Play Therapy Association

Let’s talk today about how I can help your child.  

Play Therapy Counselling Services at HFC – Find out more about how we treat anxiety, adhd, etc.

EMAIL -Find out more

8 Ways How to Connect with Your Teen

Parent using strategies on how to connect with your teen.

Fun Ways to Draw Closer to Your Adolescent

Sadly many parents and teen’s relationships grow in distance during the teen years. Parents get discouraged by their teen’s pre-occupation with their peers and media and their “apparent” disinterest in spending time with their family. However, their apathy is only an illusion. Teens do want to connect with their families but they won’t initiate. Parents this means you have to take the lead. Here are some suggestions of ways you may connect with your teen.

1.       Family Photo Sort

– Print out some of those digital family photos from recent family events. Have teens help you sort them out. Invite each family member to create a page for themselves with a collection of their favourite family pics. As you go through this activity be open to ask each other about your memories of the events. 

2.       Family Jam Session.

Teens spend a lot of time listening to music on their phones. Do you know what are your teen’s favourite tunes? Remember when you were a teen and the greatest thing was your own “mixed tape” of your favourite music? (Okay, maybe I am dating myself).

Create a playlist of your favourite music, invite your teen(s) to do the same. Set aside a time to have a family jam session where each person plays their playlist. CAUTION: This is not the time to criticise the lyrics of your teens’ songs.

Allow yourselves to sing out loud, get up and dance (or sway).

Do ask them open questions: “tell me about this artist?”  

Comment on the genre: “many of these songs are hip-hop, do you like that style of music best? What other songs would you add to this list?”.

Tell them which of their favourites you like best. (Try hard to find one, please).

Ask them to tell you which of yours they like best too.

You may extend this activity by asking your teens to create a family playlist so the next time you are going on a long road trip you can All listen to some music together. 

 3.       LikeU-Texting

– Send your teen a random text telling them 3 things you like about them.

 4.       Do a JigSaw Puzzle together.

Your teen may say they don’t want to but most teens will get into it, after a while. 

 5.       BFF Date.

Get to know your teen’s best friend. During adolescence this person may have as much, maybe more, influence in your teen’s life as you do. Arrange to spend time with your teen and their best friend at a place of their choice. Let the teens choose where s/he is willing to be ‘seen’ out with you. Be prepared you may have to drive to another city J – maybe a sport’s game, a movie, at a restaurant, or at home playing their favourite video game. A note about video gaming, you need to be at ease with the possibility of being embarrassed as a gamer. Many parents who focus on their game performance withdraw from such activities and miss the value of the quality time altogether.

 6.       Celebrate their accomplishments.

Remember when your child was a preschooler or young child you would display their accomplished art and achievements on the fridge door and talk to all your friends about them. Why not celebrate with the same gusto your teens achievements or joyous events? Buy a cake when your daughter get asked on their first date or gets noticed by the guy she’s been crushing on, order in their favourite ethnic food when your son makes the sport’s team, take a special trip when your child stands up to that bully. Rejoice when they rejoice.

 7.       Share a Personal Grief Story.

Yes, it is great to share our accomplishments but your teens need to see or hear about your hurts and losses to know that you are real. When we share only the great positives we send the unintentional subconscious message, “I am perfect, you should be too”. This is discouraging and creates distance when a teen feel s/he can’t live up to their parents. Share with your teen a time in your adolescence when you were hurt, felt betrayed, felt rejected, or embarrassed. Let them know how you dealt with it. If you didn’t deal with it well, let them know.  You may say something like, “I know now that this was not the best way to deal with it, maybe I should have _________”. This actually teaches teens that they can own their pain and learn from it.  

 8.       Do a Community Act of Service Together.

As a former youth leader, I was always pleasantly surprised at how passionately teens, including the ‘cool’ boys, can get behind a cause. Volunteer as a family to help a neighbour move, to serve food at the food-bank, organise a neighbourhood toy drive for children living in a women’s shelter, train together and do a Run for a cause, and so forth. You may discover a new appreciation of your teen’s compassion as you serve together.

Please remember this is about maintaining relationship. Your teen may not “seem” eager to spend time with you, but this is only an illusion. I have spoken to many tough, apathetic teens who deeply wish they had a closer relationship with their parent(s). And may I add for the emphasis, this includes the boys. You may have to do an activity more than once for it to ‘catch on’ for them. You may have to be flexible and spontaneous and shift the flow of an interaction. Be courageous and reach out to your teen in one of these ways today.

 

The Legacy of a Father’s Love and Influence

Inspiring Story of the Difference Dad Made to Me.

Dad's difference & father's love. Inspiration for fathers wanting to make a difference in the lives of their daughters.

Dad’s make a difference. This Father’s Day I hope to inspire fathers to continue to love, support and give to their children. Children learn discipline and courage, have fun, gain security, and a powerful reference of relationships through the attachment they develop with their fathers. Here is a personal story of the impact my father had on my life.

This post was origionally composed as my opening article for this blog on his birthday.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

My daddy is a paragon of patience, our in-home comic, is kind, my greatest fan and cheer leader, and my inspiration. Today, (July 11) is my Daddy’s 79th birthday. In honour of him I wanted to share some of my memories to inspire other fathers (and parents generally) to love their daughters/family with a similar sincerity.

My daddy is Frank E. He was raised with his sister and brother by “Indi”, a single mother. Frank was a chartered accountant who loved the world of numbers and finance and spent most of his career working in the banking sector. He raised his first child, Lauren, with the help of his mother until she was 16 when she took the opportunity to live overseas with her mother. In the late sixties he married my mother and 4 years later they had me, and then 4 years later, my sister, Trecia.

He was a very handsome young man and maintained his looks well into his middle years. He always dressed well and I remember his early morning laps around our front lawn to keep himself fit. As a little girl I would enjoy occasionally joining him for a few laps, walking/jogging, talking and joking.

Don’t Underestimate Your Humour

Daddy was a jokester. His jokes were almost never funny, but in a corny kind-of-way that made us love him for his loving attempt to amuse us. He was a follower of people like the 3 Stooges, Wayne and Shuster, and Benny Hill. I remember the joke of “Mr. Chester” he would recite and act out cracking up to himself. Even in his saddest moment, after the death of his mother, he kept his humour, joking about the loads of hankies he had for his impending tears.

Dad’s Difference as a Provider

He was also a kind, dependable provider. Whenever I needed something, the way a teenage girl ‘needs’ a new outfit, he would mostly ‘seemingly reluctantly’ open up his wallet to me. Dad provided more than cash; he was also a faithful, incredibly patient transporter. Dad would drive us anywhere. No matter the distance, drop us off and pick us  ( and a carload of our friends) up again. My father would sit in his parked car for up to 1 hr for us at the party if we decided to stay longer. As I visualise him now, sitting in that grey Peugeot now, tears well up in my eyes. I never did enough to thank him for his extra-ordinary patience as his expression of a father’s love.

Simple but special times of Connection

I also remember movie times with my dad. Sunday morning matinees after breakfast were special times we shared. I would snuggle next to him on the living room sofa or in his bed and watch some of his favourite actors in action –James Stewart, Cary Grant, Spencer Tracey & Kathryn Hepburn, Gina Rogers & Fred Astaire, etc. He taught me that a movie is only as good as the actors involved. (This is probably why I hardly go to the movies these days, with CGI, who acts anymore?).

Be The Cheerleader – It matters more than the critic

My Daddy was an encourager. He made me feel more valued than millions of $$$ by the pride he expressed in me. It’s one thing to tell your child you’re proud of them & their accomplishments, but my Dad would brag about me. Wherever we were, whenever I was with him, and we would run into his friends, he would boast to them about how I was doing in school or at work. (He still did this when I became an adult). He made me want to make him always be proud of me. So when I was tempted as a teenager to engage in risky behaviours  (drugs, unprotected sex, etc) I was restrained by the thought of possibly disappointing my Dad.

Be A Role Model for Love She Should Expect

One of the long-standing effects of my father’s love for me is outlived in my choice of husband. How could a girl who was so thoroughly loved the first man in her life settle for anything less? One conscious criteria for mate selection for me was a man who would love me as a husband, but also would love our children like he did as a father.  Most parents have love for their children, but my Daddy’s love is KNOWN by his children. My father gave me the reference in experience to recognise a good man when I met him. Through my husband, B & R, also have this experience of unconditional love.

Today my Dad is unable to read this. His body is severely damaged by over 15 years of Parkinson’s disease . He is unable to tell me any corny jokes as his speech is incomprehensible. He doesn’t know/remember his grandchildren (my children), even his namesake – B. Frank as Alzheimer emerges. My hope is that some disengaged fathers will be encouraged to step up and be a daddy. I hope that fathers will be encouraged to sustain their efforts in loving their kids. A Daddy’s love has lifetime and multi-generational effects.

Happy Birthday Daddy, I LOVE YOU!!!

Thank you for reading. My father died in Fall 2013 after a courageous fight with Parkinson’s Disease for 20 years. The disease didn’t beat him, at 81 years we finally let him go. He had done his part; the legacy of his love and influence lives on within us.

If you liked this post please share with a significant man in your life or friend. FOLLOW to ensure you don’t miss similar posts.