31 Fall Family Fun Activities

Ideas for Parents Who Don’t Do Halloween

 

All Hail Halloween, Or, MAYBE NOT! Halloween is a wide-spread tradition of Westernised North America but there are a minority of families who do not engage in this celebration. Members of other ethnic or religious groups, including some Christian parents, experience some restrictions during the Fall Season to find community activities for their school-aged kids and families. If you search you can find alternatives. But, you don’t have to. I have compiled some simple family fun activities for the Fall season, including Thanksgiving, which does not include anything ghostly. And, these shared experiences can also be explored by families who also enjoy a bit of October dress-up. It’s a list that is widely inclusive.

 

 

1. Make apple recipe; apple cider, candy apples, apple pie, apple h pancakes, apple sauce, apple crisp, and candy apples.
2. Visit a corn maze
3. Go apple picking
4. Roast marshmallows by a campfire
5. Go hiking (Maybe in Whitemud Park, or the River valley- Edmonton)
6. Select a classic book (or books) to read out loud together or individually over a few weeks. If you chose to read individually you may create a book-club style sharing or exchange books to read at one’s leisure. Contact your local library for suggestions (e.g. Edmonton Public Library).
7. Go pumpkin picking
8. Over the long holiday weekend play a more long-duration family game such as Settlers of Catan, Kallouki (our family favourite), assemble a jig-saw puzzle, etc.
9. Bake your favourite pies
10. Bake a new pumpkin recipe. Pumpkin bread, roast pumpkin seed, a pumpkin dip, pumpkin cheese cake, pumpkin spice waffles

11. Do a Fall craft together
– Door wreath
– Leafy picture frame
– Paint acorns or pinecones
12. Go on a Fall nature shoot with one or individual cameras.
13. Learn about why and how the leaves change colour
14. Rake up tree leaves in your yard or neighbourhood. Make a pile  and jump onto it.
15. Thread leaves to make a fall garland.
16. Build a “Thankful Tree” with collected sticks, tree leaves and paper leaves. On the paper leaves write out what each person is thankful for.

 
17. Read together and out loud stories together. Fall books for kids include
– “Secrets for the apple tree”
– “Red leaf, yellow leaf”
– “Leaf man”
– “The fall festival”
– “How did you know it was fall?”
– “Fall mixed up”
– “Fleeter and the family leaves”
– “Fall Harvests bring in food”
– “Welcome Fall”

 

18. Visit a farm. If possible, go on a hay ride

 
19. Watch afternoon sunset
20. Attend a local or nearby “Oktoberfest”

21. Story telling night. Make up stories and tell each other – they can be fantasy stories, mysteries, funny stories. Cuddle up by a fireplace (if you have one), or in the family room with blankets

22. Go star gazing. Look for possible constellations or star shapes

23. Go shopping for cozy winter socks. Choose styles and patterns that represent each member’s personality. Embellish them with charms or buttons or iron-on decals.

24. Search for the best hot chocolate or caramel latte in your neighbourhood. Share with other family members and friends your reviews and ratings as you go.

25. Create early your family Christmas wish list. If possible take advantage of Black Friday Sales (have a pre-set budget) in-stores or online.

26. Get rain boots and umbrellas and go walking in the rain. Stop and jump in some puddles.

27. Get and light up a favourite fall candle. Or, learn how and make a fall potpourri (cinnamon, apple pie, or wood)

28. Sing Karaoke or play on instruments to a favourite movie theme song, or children’s action fall songs. Some suggestions include:
a. Autumn leaves are falling down
b. Way Up High in a Apple Tree
c. Grey Squirrel, Shake Your Bushy Tail
d. Scarecrow Song

29. Watch favourite thanksgiving movies. Some to consider include:
– Monumental
– Pocahontas
– Old Fashion Thanksgiving
– A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving
– The Big Chill
– Planes, Trains, and Automobiles
– Free Birds
– Love at the Thanksgiving Parade
– Remember the Titans
– Dutch
– Home for the Holidays

30. Volunteer at a Food Shelter. Help serve thanksgiving meal to others.

31. Organise a Clothing Drive. Collect from friends and neighbours scarves, hats, and gloves and donate them to a local charity.

Formally the Fall season spans over 12 weekends. I hope that out of this list of 31 activities you can find at least 4 or 5 that you can incorporate in your own family Fall traditions. Remember, family activities should be fun, you don’t have to stress out to do something every weekend. The focus is on spending quality time with your kids and building positive memories that will still last beyond the season. And, when the icy winter comes revisit our blog for the Winter edition of Family Fun.

 

 

 

Help for Families Canada is a small organisation offering counselling services for kids, parents, and families in South Edmonton. Our core mission is to support the enhancement of the parent-child relationship. We believe regular times of family fun are an important ingredient in building a sense of belonging and connectedness in families. We offer our clients practical coaching and resources to equip them to foster and maintain positive, close parenting relationships. We invite you to find out more here or our Faith Based Services

Straight Talk on Fatherhood – Man to Man

Fatherhood Straight Talk Parenting for Dads Title -Support Edmonton- Help Families Canada

A Father’s Reflection on His Own Reality and Role in Parenting

Guest Post

Father’s Day is around the corner, and it feels like the right moment to reflect on fatherhood.

As a husband and a dad to two young kids—a son who’s nearly 11 and a daughter who’s 6—I’ve been thinking about what this role really means.

Fatherhood isn’t just about being present; it’s about being intentional, connected, and engaged in the everyday moments that shape our children’s lives.

Being an “everyday-kinda-guy” seeking to provide for the family, meeting the non-financial needs of our kids as a father is not easy. I am growing to realize that what my kids need emotionally from me is not the same as is expected from Mom. They want me to play with them and do stuff with them when I feel like doing something else. Many times I get home from work feeling the need to emotionally get away to my own world to unwind. Life itself can feel so emotionally draining at times in just trying to deal with my own concerns of providing for their future. The danger is that my concern for the future makes me deny my kids of the attention they need from me now in the present.

Fathers Make An Impact On Our Kid’s Lives

Research shows that fathers spend more of their relational time with children in play. Their style of play is often more physical and exciting than that of mothers.

Fathers tend to engage in “horseplay” — like chasing kids around the house as a “scary bear” or lifting them high for an “airplane ride.” These playful moments let children feel a mix of amusement, arousal, and just a little fear — all in a safe, fun way.

This insight comes from Chapter 6 of Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by Dr. John Gottman and Joan Declaire. I was pleasantly surprised by how closely it reflected my own experience with my kids.

My little girl often pretends to be scared, but her laughter always gives her away. She delights in the game—the fun, the silliness, and me becoming the scary bear, or whatever creature the moment calls for.

In our family, it’s clear: they don’t turn to Mom for chasing or rough play. That’s my role, and I’m grateful for it.

Dads, Kids Need To Feel Our Presence As Much As Seeing Us There

I read further along in chapter 6 of the above mentioned book in which one Levant was quoted as stating (and countering) the observed traditional stereotype that

“……a father is someone who works hard, who isn’t around much, who criticizes more than he compliments, who doesn’t show affection or any other emotion except anger – no longer applies”.

 The quote from Levant goes on to state that

“…men are supposed to be sensitive, caring, enlightened dads who are really there for and involved with their kids…the only problem is many men don’t know how to be that kind of father, for the simple reason that their own dads weren’t that kind of father to them.”

 I am sure many dads can relate to these statements to some degree and if nothing else, it should inspire food for thought as we reflect on our own parenting situation.

I believe there’s a quiet call for us dads—not just to be physically present, but emotionally available too.

Emotional involvement means more than just doing activities together. It means stepping into their world with empathy. We need to connect with how our kids feel in the moment, not just enjoy the time from our own perspective.

Sometimes we walk away thinking, That was fun, and assume we’ve done our job. But we may miss the deeper impact those moments have on their minds and hearts.

When we offer emotional presence, we ground ourselves. We begin to see family life with greater appreciation and depth.

I’m learning this in real time. There are evenings when I want to retreat and be alone after a long day. But when I choose instead to step into my kids’ world—to “smell the roses” with them—I feel lighter.

It shifts my perspective. It reminds me that life isn’t just about my stress or worries. The problems may not disappear, but being emotionally present helps me keep everything in balance.

Be Aware Of Your Kid’s Everyday Needs As A Father

We should always seek to stay tuned in to our children’s everyday needs as they grow even as we try to find a balance between work life and home life. The authors of “Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child” also encourages that as dads we should seek to do this regardless of the nature of the relationship we may have with the mother of our kids. I totally understand this point as all household relationship dynamics vary but our kids still need us in spite of our imperfections living in an imperfect world. We are their dad and contrary to what many may say or want us to believe, our kids need us physically and emotionally in their lives.

But hey, this is just a reflection from a dad—like many of us—who never got a practice run.

There was no trial round to sharpen my skills, no pre-clone to help me become the perfectly prepared, emotionally tuned-in super-dad.

Fatherhood doesn’t come with rehearsals. It’s a lifelong journey of learning, growing, and doing the best we can with what we know today.

As fathers, we can become so focused on providing for our families that we unintentionally lose sight of something just as important—spending meaningful time with our kids.

Sure, they may feel disappointed when we can’t buy them the latest or coolest things their friends have. But what matters more is how we show up in those moments.

When we stay emotionally connected—when we explain our choices with empathy and offer a “lesser” gift or shared experience instead of the “perfect” one—we send a powerful message.

We’re showing them that we care. We’re letting them know that their feelings matter and that their disappointment touches us too.

And after the moment passes, what they’ll likely remember isn’t what they didn’t get. They’ll remember how loved they felt. They’ll remember that they mattered—and that their dad truly cared.

Quote Tip Quality Time Dads -Counselling Men as Fathers -Help Families Canada

Related Post for Fathers

Read: The Legacy of A Father’s Love

Do You Want More Coaching , Training & Support?

Help for Families Canada offers practical hands on training for fathers in our Parent Training Program.  Customised Support is available for step-fathers, single fathers, and married fathers in Southside Edmonton. Click on the link below to schedule a time to talk to a therapist.

”Booking

Don’t forget to SHARE.

Surprising Tools Your Dollar Store Has To Help With Homework

Items A Parent Of A Child with ADHD or a Learning Disability Must Have

Parenting, ADHD, & Homework - Article Image
Source: Clipart Pal (PD)

Homework time can feel like Hell. (Pardon me for the language, but if you live it, you know what I mean). As a former special education teacher, and a mom with a child with attention and hyperactive behaviours, I know how challenging it can be to get an unmotivated, unfocused, easily frustrated child to start, and (dare to dream) … complete a homework assignment. Until the school boards approve homework in video-gaming app format, here are some cheap, easy to find Dollarstore items (#tools) that will help ease the agony. (#adhd, #learningdisabilities)

  1. Ear plugs — Useful to minimizes auditory distractions.
  2. Dry erase board— create weekly calendar of when assignments are due. For the child with a learning disability you may colour code by subject (blue – Math, Yellow – Language Arts). #dyslexia
  3. Checklist pad — task manager. Itemize steps or tasks involved with doing larger projects
  4. Small Squishy Ball — small air or foam filled balls for squishing and fidgeting while working.

Related Post: Stressed Parents’ Guide to Homework Without War

5. Digital Kitchen Timer — Necessity for ADHD child. Set time goals for them to complete segments of their assignment. Set time for movement breaks or approved off-task breaks.

6. Foamcore boards or 3-Paneled Project boards — Create a personal space zone at desk or table to reduce distractions. Very helpful you have siblings working together in same space (e.g. shared kitchen island)

7. Chewing Gum — Provides oral stimulation, (repeated motor action)  which may help some children focus.

Contact Us 

 

Find  Local  (Edmonton) Dollar Stores for Homework Tools

Wondering what are the dollar stores serving your neighborhoods of St. Albert, Sherwood Park, Ellerslie, or Summerside in Edmonton? Check out

The Dollar Tree

–         2 locations: Calgary Trail and 28 Avenue

Dollar N Plus

–      Heritage Valley off 111 Street

Dollarama

–        South Edmonton Common

Live in another city in Canada or the US? Find one in Google Maps

Help for Families Canada offers counseling support to children with ADHD or learning disabilities as well as parent skills coaching. Through various play therapy strategies children learn skills to regulate their energy and attention and how to work through feelings of failure and frustration so that they have more confidence and become higher achieving students. Click below to find out more.

Give Me Better Solutions

The Stressed Parent’s Guide To Homework Without War

Suggestions from an elementary/middle school teacher & tutor

ADHD Homework Strategies - Adhd kids coaching in Alberta & parent coaching in Alberta. Child therapy online & in person.

 

H.O.M.E.WOR.K, defined by kids as “Half of My Energy Wasted On Random Knowledge”.  Homework is a sore point with many parents and students. For students, they feel as if homework should be non existent and takes up too much of their time. On the other side at home,  homework is also a  torture that many parents would love to wish away too.

Why Do Families Hate Homework?

Homework has been associated with:

book-icon-green-source-emojibase-com  Increasing the stress levels in children

book-icon-green-source-emojibase-com Inducing more frequent and more harsh conflict between parent and children

book-icon-green-source-emojibase-com Reducing children’s access to personal recreational and other social experiences

book-icon-green-source-emojibase-com Robbing families of opportunities to engage together in fun, relationship enhancing activities.

Homework should not be a burden but rather should be a continuation of work done  during the school period. Unfortunately  many schools pile on too much homework which really isn’t necessary. As a result, often times children are turned off and parents  end up doing their children’s homework.

Read More: How much homework is too much? ( Filed Under” Notes” on Facebook Page )

So what really is the point of homework?

According to research studies done, Dr Harris Cooper, University of Missouri, homework had no measurable effect on achievement for elementary students though it did for high school. Cooper recommends that homework “helps elementary students develop proper study skills which, in turn, influences grades.”

Others have argued that homework helps children practise, learn, and retain concepts taught in the classroom. But, “If the kids haven’t learned the concepts by the time they leave the classroom . . .the homework is pointless”- Heather Broos, Cnn.com

Parents should not get stressed over helping their children with homework but should rather take it in strides. As a teacher and private tutor, one of the things I encourage parents to do is, if they come across a concept that they do not know, instead of stressing over it, either tell their child to ask the teacher to explain more,  or they set up a meeting with the teacher. But in my classrooms, it was quite okay for homework to not be completed in that moment. However, not all classrooms are as lenient so here are some ideas to help children and families better cope with the realistic demand of homework.

Help for Parents and Families Trapped in Conflicts

3 Mistakes To Avoid

  1. Doing the Work. Parents should guide their children with homework and not give them the answers or do it for them. What is meant to be a learning process for children ends up being all too easy which leaves children without learning important skills on how to access information or even acquiring correct study skills.
  2. Allowing Shortcut Methods. With technology at our fingertips it is very easy to access information but having this simple access is often misused as parents log on to the internet to get answers to their children’s homework. Discourage children from going to Google to search for answers. If your child does not know the answer or how to solve a problem, chances are that the concept was not grasp correctly, therefore children should be encourage to speak with their teacher.

3 . Competing with the Teachers’ Methods. Moms and Dads, do not be afraid to let your child know that you do not  know the answer. And,  if while you’re trying to help, your child complains: “that is not how it is done by the teacher”,  sigh, don’t feel embarrassed, let them complete the assignment as for the teacher. Then, as soon as possible, make arrangement to talk with the teacher so that you are on the same page with how your child is taught. You will then have consistency which is important to a child’s learning pattern.

ADHD Parenting - ADHD Homework Strategies.

ADHD Coaching

Find out more about how we can support your child & your family

Four Helpful Habits for Productive Homework Times

1. Find A Good Location.

Children should have a desk or sit around a table when doing homework. Try to cut out the distractions around. No television in the background or ipods on. Tablets and smartphones are used as work tools at homework time; engagement in text conversations and checking social media sites should be discouraged. Provide all the tools they need to work at their homework station.

Watch DIY Video: Make Homework Caddy by Home Organizing Alejandra 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_uLYEgkLlI

2. Set A Consistent Schedule.

Children should be encouraged to do homework at a certain times on weekdays and during the weekend. Avoid waiting until the last minute, i.e., late in the evening, late Sunday afternoon, or the day before the deadline. Procrastination stimulates more stress for both parents and children.

Read: 4 Steps to Stop Procrastination. Diane O’Reilly. (Teens with ADHD)

3. Make Appropriate Accommodations.

Children with learning disabilities should not be overwhelmed with all the homework at once. Rather, divide and introduce the homework in small portions at a time. For such children structure is very important and breaks should be given in between. For example, alternative methods of delivering the ideas of the homework might be considered – audio powerpoint presentation versus the traditional 4 page typed report.

(#adhd, #learningdisability)

Read More: Tools Help ADHD Kids with Homework

4. Recognise & Seek Help If Needed.

Always remember that you learn best by doing and children need to learn how to learn. If helping your child with homework is stressful, then seek help either from the teacher, a tutor, or another family member who may have more patience. Occasionally, a child’s chronic struggle with homework may be a sign or symptom of a learning disability, or a deeper level emotional issues of perfectionism or performance anxiety. While there are self-help references for parents to support school-aged children with perfectionism, such as Leah Davies, Perfectionism in Children. However, the delicate process of unpacking the underlying web of beliefs associated with the fear of failure often requires interventions led by a child or teen therapist (cognitive behavioural therapy or mindfulness).

The essence of homework should be to practice and build on concepts learned. It should not be a burden or should not be stressful to children.

About Author:

Charmaine Walker is an educator, located in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. She may be found on Twitter or LinkedIn.

ADHD Coaching

Find out more about how we can support your child & your family

Bonus Additional Information – T. Bryan

Where to Get Local Homework Help for Kids

The struggles with homework for children and parents have been recognised and there are now many services in your community that help families, both paid and free. These include professional individual tutors, small group tutoring programs, volunteer individual help. Please do your own research on the credibility of all tutoring services. Below we mention some local Canadian services in Edmonton & Beaumont.

In Edmonton, Alberta, Canada

# Edmonton Public Schools – Study Buddy Program

# Edmonton Public Library. Their interactive website has tools to help kids – Online Resources – homework help. Check out the availability of quiet reading or study rooms at Riverbend in Terwillegar. There is also the Reading Buddies Program – available for kids in grades 2-4 where reading support is provided by high school kids.

In Beaumont, Alberta, Canada

Beaumont Library

Help for Families Canada offers counselling support for children struggling at school. With the application of various play therapy techniques, your child will have improved study and organisational skills and become an independent, more confident, and better performing student. Parents will also receive coaching in how to get more cooperation from their child (addressing the homework conflicts and beyond).  


How to Reduce Conflicts Among Siblings

Parenting Advice from a mom like you. 

Parenting Advice Sibling Conflict
Source: Unsplash -Brandon Morgan

Guest Post Author: Ellie Hirsch  

Ellie Hirsch is the founder of MommyMasters.com, a resource

Money Issues in Relationships

Why Couples Fight About Finances & How to Fix It

Money Issues in Relationships - Online Couples Therapy help repair conflicts about finances

Money issues in relationships are rarely just about numbers.

Most couples don’t argue about math. They argue about meaning — security, fairness, power, responsibility, and trust. What looks like a disagreement about spending, saving, or debt is often something much deeper.

If you’ve ever thought,
“Why does this conversation about money always turn into a fight?”
you’re not alone.

Financial tension is one of the most common sources of conflict for couples. Yet many partners feel ashamed admitting how much strain money discussions create. Over time, small disagreements can quietly become patterns of criticism, defensiveness, or emotional withdrawal.

The truth is this: money issues in relationships are not a sign that you’re incompatible. They’re often a sign that unspoken values, fears, and expectations haven’t been explored safely.

When couples learn how to talk about money differently, the conflict shifts. Conversations become clearer. Decisions feel more collaborative. Trust strengthens instead of eroding.

Let’s look at why financial conflict happens — and what actually helps.

 

 

Hidden Sources of Financial Conflict

People are complex, and this complexity affects the relationships they build. Things are rarely as they appear. As a couples therapist I have seen couples who come in complaining that they fight all the time. “What do you fight about?” I ask curiously. “Money” they state in chorus. Upon further exploration of the arguments between couples, I discovered that there are often underlying issues contributing to disputes about money.The following are some of my observations.

1. Unresolved baggage.

Individuals carry values about money and finances from their past experiences in former relationships, whether with a partner or their parents. In this case, they project their distrust onto a loved one, regardless of the present partner’s actual actions, beliefs, or values. This expectation stems from another person’s actions. Holding an innocent party accountable for another’s crime feels unjust. The fears might be real, but the jail surrounding the accused remains a harsh reality; this punished party may feel enslaved by unwarranted guilt.It is not this relationship’s money problems but unresolved past relationships that inevitably drive a wedge with this couple.

2. Power difference.

There might be a difference in the power to influence the decisions within the relationship. One person has a stronger voice, or their actions are less questionable than the other. Sadly, many persons fail to recognise that monetary control is one form of spousal abuse. When every dollar you spend gets regulated and rigidly monitored, it raises a big red flag. Similarly, if your partner is frequently buying designer items at over $1K each racking up your credit card debt in the process, and they persists regardless of your expressed displeasure, they are in control of your relationship.

In some instances spending is one partner’s way of reclaiming their personal power in the relationship. Have you ever gone revenge shopping? No judgement here because this is a widespread practise. Once, a lot earlier in their marriage, Joy (alias) felt so hurt by her husband’s actions that she went out to a high-end store (one where she would never shop at) and bought 2 leather jackets and a handbag.. While charging it at the cashier, she felt recompensed as she thought “There… you pay for that”.

Money Problems in the relationship is not the problem. Partners are not living from the power of being securely loved by an equally valued partner. The aim is not to perpetuate a cycle of domination but to find ways for each person’s voice to be heard and valued, strengths to be incorporated into the relationship with a culture of “we” instead of I vs You.

 

3. Low Faith in Relationship Sustainability.

Someone is reluctant to share or partner equitably with the other because there is an underlying fear that the relationship will not last. Persons whose parents had a bitter divorce or who previously experienced a torn relationship may be vulnerable to these feelings of doubt.

4. Low Trust or Belief in Partner’s Financial Competence.

Simply, one partner does not trust the other with money. This could be because of their partner’s history of gambling, or high accumulated debt, a perceived irresponsibility to pay their own bills on time, or a perception of their ‘over-spending’. The root of this condition may be a real, evidence-based problem, or it could be a matter of perception of the differences in money values.  Scott & Bethany Palmer talk about 5 different money personalities which people have regarding their values with money (saving, spending, risk-taking, security, and the casual flyer). When one partner tries to make the other conform to their personality, the effort commonly meets with resistance. Seek to find and focus on your partner’s strengths and avenues in which they have grown financially.

5. Unforgiveness.

Commonly this springs from the other partner’s previous errors of money judgement or mistakes. For example, s/he quickly invested in a quick-rich scam which cost you substantial loss or the memory of the cost of funding their now resolved addictive habit (drugs, gambling). The innocent partner is still holding on to the feelings of distrust and blame for the previous incident(s). If you are not going to leave the relationship and hope to rebuild trust one step is important. Forgive! (

Offering forgiveness after betrayal is very difficult. Many couples are unable to resolve this by themselves. This may be a situation to seek the expertise of a couples therapist.

Learn about Couples Counselling

6. Unmet Emotional Needs.

Sometimes stuff is used to fill the emptiness and void in the heart. Many people receive love and appreciation in various ways. When our partners feel that their emotional needs are unmet, they actively seek to fill that gap with other things.. In many married relationships this can become an unbalanced focus on the kids, striving in ones career, or sometimes spending money on desirable items. Shopping can create a thrill or “high” that people experience.. This dynamic is one of the most challenging to admit to. To reveal my emotional unhappiness, however, is to risk your rejection and judgment. Consequently, the pain of that exposed rejection is more than the pain of living with the quiet sorrow of being unfulfilled in our relationship.

 

When to Seek Support for Financial Conflict in Relationships

Many couples only see that they are fighting about money and do not see what the fights about money are really about.

If you notice:

  • Repeated arguments about the same issue
  • Growing emotional distance
  • Financial secrecy
  • Anxiety or resentment that doesn’t resolve

It may help to bring in structured support.

At Help for Families Canada, couples counselling is not about assigning blame. It is about:

  • Identifying conflict patterns
  • Understanding emotional triggers
  • Building collaborative financial conversations
  • Restoring trust and emotional safety

Many couples hesitate to seek support because they believe they “should be able to fix this themselves.” However, structured guidance often shortens conflict cycles significantly.

If you’re feeling stuck in money issues in relationships and want a calmer, more collaborative approach, you can explore our Online Couples Counselling services here:

👉 https://helpforfamiliesca.com/online-couples-counselling/

If it feels appropriate, you’re welcome to book a phone consultation to discuss whether support would be helpful for your situation.

Small changes in communication can prevent long-term damage.

Financial Conflict in Relationships - couples therapist conflict resolution advice.

 

Actions You Can Take NOW.

While you wait for your scheduled appointment with your counsellor, here are a few things you can do, 

Learn about Couples Counselling
  1. Read together the book: Smart Couples Finish Rich- David Bach. (Edmonton Public library has e-book and print copies).
  2. Connect with The Money Couple – Scott & Bethany Palmer. Their website has great resources for couples dealing with financial differences and difficulties.
  3.  SUBSCRIBE to this Blog to continue to receive tips and tools to help you …                                Build a Happy, Healthy and Successful Family.

 

Couples Counselling @ Help for Families Canada

Help for Families Canada is dedicated to supporting couples both online and in-person; consequently, this makes it easier than ever to seek the guidance you need. Our online services extend throughout Alberta and beyond, ensuring accessibility for families across multiple provinces.

For those in South East Edmonton—including Summerside, Ellerslie, Bonnie Doon, Othewell, Jackson Heights, Millwoods, and Beaumont—we offer convenient in-office appointments.

With flexible scheduling options available throughout the weekdays, evenings, and weekends, we’re here to help you strengthen your relationship at a time that works best for you. Don’t wait to take the first step towards a healthier, happier partnership.

Learn about Couples Counselling

Winter Family Fun

Parents & Kids Enjoying Winter  Together – A Customised Guide

Winter Family Fun. Family therapist in Alberta offers a customisable guide to help your family beat the winter blues and stay connected during our winter season. Family play therapy.

Snow, Sub-zero winter for 6 moths a year. “Brrr! Winter’s here, and sometimes, it can feel like everyone’s stuck inside. But guess what? It doesn’t have to be that way! Let’s talk about winter family fun! Forget the screens for a bit. We’re going to dive into ways to make this season awesome. Think snow forts, hot cocoa, and memories that’ll last a lifetime. Are you ready to ditch the winter blues and create some real joy? This is your guide to turning chilly days into the best winter family fun adventures. Let’s make this winter one to remember!

Family Fun with your Physically Active Children

  • Build a model together. “Visit your local hobby or craft shops for model kits – pieces for cars, places, buildings, etc. Alternatively, you can carve out a car or plane with soft wood. Adding a new piece every year becomes a proud collection to display. Furthermore, it may later become an heirloom to display and pass on to your kids when they grow up.”
  •  Visit the indoor rock-climbing facility for some active fun together. (In South Edmonton: Vertically Inclined Rock Gym)
  •  Visit an indoor amusement park (here in Edmonton we have Galaxyland). Alternatively you may visit a neighbourhood indoor play centre (e.g. Play Gym in Summerside, Ellerslie), book time at the local recreational centre gymnasium for an hour family hoops. Some community recreational centres  (e.g., Terwillegar Recreational Center) have drop in/ playrooms too.

Coming soon : Outdoor winter family fun

Family Fun With Your Social Children

  • Have them help host a family (or family & best friend) themed party for the holidays. It could be Boxing Day, New Year’s Eve, or New Year’s Day. It might also be the last Saturday night of the holidays. Choose whatever time works for you.
  •  Play family party games: Charades, Taboo, Cranium, & Pictionary, are just some of my favourites. I am sure you kids have ideas for other trendy party games so be sure to ask for their input. Maybe select a family member to chair family game night on a rotational schedule.
  • Take your child out on a one-on-one date. It is to the local coffee shop for hot chocolate. Or, checking out the latest released movie at the cinema.

Family Fun With Your Talkative/Expressive Child

  •  Take your children out for a night-time drive to look at the holiday lights and displays. Engage in and enjoy the conversations that emerge (or that you, well,… initiate).
  • Read aloud a classic or contemporary book.
  • Read a chapter or 2 together aloud at night before bedtime. (Trust me, even the disengaged teenager warms up to listening to a good story. Keep your expectations low because s/he is not gonna “show” it). Some of my favourites are: Anne of Green Gables, Little Woman, Chronicles of Narnia. I also love Oliver Twist, Lord of the Rings, the Hobbit, and The Christmas Carol. Ask your local librarian for suggestions.
  • “Want to borrow a library book?” Then place it on hold early. For example, my family reads the Chronicles of Narnia. Therefore, I always reserve those books ahead of time. Also, preview the book first. You’ll avoid surprises. One year, I brought home Treasure Island. The old English was too hard. Even though the story was good, we couldn’t follow it. That’s the teacher in me, always planning!”

Family Fun With Your Analytic, Systematic Child

  • Visit your local hobby shop or bookstore and purchase a logic puzzle book for the season. You can solve puzzles together. It is okay to be competitive. You may purchase multiple copies of the same book. Then, race to see who solves the puzzle first.
  •  Recruit your logical/analytical child to help support your social child in planning any family gathering parties.
  •  Play strategic games together. Some great traditional board game are Chess, Mancala, Monopoly, and Chineese Checkers. Many of these are available as apps. Two cool websites to check for online smart games are coolmath-games.com and sheppardsoftware.com.  Two other apps you may check out are Unblockme and Elevate.

Coming soon related: Family time apps

Family Fun  With Your Musical Child

  • Create a CD of your favourite holiday or Christmas songs. Host a Holiday Karaoke party.
  • Attend a Christmas pageant or play at a local church or school. If you have teenagers you might consider visiting a show in a distant, unfamiliar neighbourhood. Try this to avoid losing your family time to your teenagers’ friends.
  • Re-compose a favourite holiday song as a rap, country or a reggae tune. This is especially fun if you incorporate musical instruments. An electrical keyboard often comes pre-programmed with beats that represent various styles of music. No musical talent is required. I don’t have any myself.

Family  Fun With  Your Artistic Child

  • Make your own ornaments together. It may be as simple as cutting out shapes from foam sheets  and stringing it with pipe-cleaners (from Dollarstore). Craft stores also offer a range of wood-cut outs, paper mache or ceramic ornaments to personalise.
  •   Create a snow-globe together. Each person places an item in the globe which represents a special memory they had with the family this year. This memorabilia can be made of modelling clay.
  •  Create a holiday scrapbook or blog. Take pictures of special events and experiences over the season. You can create a few scrapbook pages with printed pictures, or you can create a family digital album. Dedicate a time every year to look over previous holiday memories.

Family Fun with Reflective/Service Oriented Child

  •  Volunteer with a shelter or food bank to help pack hampers for families.
  •  Celebrate Positivity & Kindness – encourage conversations where family members share a story about something inspirational or encouraging to them. It is a quote, a story of someone else act of kindness, or an experience they had helping someone recently. Sit around in a circle and pass around a symbol which gives the holder sole speaking rights.
  • Family Ladder time
  • Ladders are symbolic of climbing towards reaching a desired item or goal. Winter is a great time to reflect on how our lives have unfolded in the last year. It’s also a perfect moment to visualize what you would like to become in the new year. Host a family meeting. Invite each of your children and teenagers. Adults should also set goals for their personal development.
  • Write each goal down on a 3 x 5 inch index card and post them on a foam-core board. In family therapy, I invite families to draw a ladder with 4 rungs representing every 90 days. In a family counselling session, families review their goal cards. They share in honest accountability where they are in their journey. They discuss what challenges they’ve had, changes made, and success stories. After each person shares, they move themselves to the next rung. (Sharing a short version of one of my play therapy activities with you).

Fun  with your Nature Loving Child

  • Go for a nature walk, collecting your own greenery for homemade wreaths of garlands
  •  Go for a walk around your neighbourhood in the full-moon. Look up on almanac when the next full moon will be. Bring along a mug of hot chocolate.
  •  Collect the sand castle molds and shovels and go out in the snow and build snow castles.
  •  Sit by a park lake and watch the animals. Squirrels can be very entertaining, at least,… for a while. Or, if you have really young kids hunting for cloud pictures is always. Or, play a game of 10 questions with young teens.  The whole idea is to be outside enjoying nature together. Do whatever you love to do together.

Final Thoughts.

Our children have naturally different interests. As wise parents, we will try to consider their individuality when planning family time with them. If you have more than 4 children, you might need multiple activities in a family time. Alternatively, have family times more often. It is impossible to please everybody all of the time. However, do try to please everyone once in awhile. This effort will greatly help build a sense of belonging. It will reduce conflict. It will also protect your family from needing interventions from counselling professionals like myself.

Related Family Fun Posts

31 Fall Family Fun Activities

Share  your ideas, what do you do with your family in the winter  months? Do you have a child with special needs, how would  you adapt any of these to fit your family?

Counselling Services Available

Parent Coaching
Family Therapy

Help for Families Canada offers an one of a kind parenting program. We are passionate about helping families come together and enjoy each other more.  Book a free phone inquiry if we could help you.

How to Reduce Family Conflict During Holiday Gatherings

Being With Family You Don’t Like

For many families the holidays are special times to connect with loved ones they don’t see often but, it can also be stressful as a backdrop for opposing personalities to collide. What if you could get together for hours with your siblings, in-laws, step-family members, (and others) over a holiday meal and leave without arguing or fighting explosively with anyone? Here are some tips to help you have a happier family holiday this year.

Signs of Holiday Family Conflict

Signs of Conflict

Look for the warning signs. If you see any of these behaviours unfolding in your conversation with a family member you might be on the edge of another unfriendly dispute. (Based on the conflict research by Dr. Rob Kendal, Psychology Today)

  1. Blaming. Energy is focused on assigning blame on the other for the problem instead of seeking a solution.
  2. Intensity. Emotions take over, the intensity rises, voices raise and threats and insults are hurled.
  3. Dismissal of the other’s ideas and feelings. (“Yes, but…”). The other party’s opinions and feelings are ignored because they differ from the speaker. Persons therefore become argumentative and defensive in order to get heard or to win the debate.
  4. Domination and control of the conversation. This may look like interrupting, completing the other’s sentences, steering the topic and flow of the conversation, etc.

How to Turn Things Around (Relationship Repair)

Okay, what if you tried to swerve around conversation dangers but you still find yourself in a dispute with your family nemesis? Here are a few strategies to try to reduce the damage and avoid ruining the party:

Help for Families iconExpress appreciation.

According to J. Gottman (renowned relationship expert) taking a moment to acknowledge appreciation for the other person’s experience or willingness to express their differing ideas has been proven to soothe escalating persons. Say something like … “I didn’t know that you saw things that way, I’m glad you told me”.

Help for Families iconFocus the conversation on finding a solution

Be solution-focused instead of on the complaints and blaming someone. Ask yourself and the other person, “What can I do to help the situation…?”

Help for Families iconRepeat what you’ve heard the other person saying.

Hold back on putting forward your own perspective. Let them know you understand their position. Desist from offering your best, well-intentioned advice (even if it is also widely proven and endorsed by experts).

Help for Families iconAccept some responsibility.

Look for how your actions or words might have contributed to the argument/fight. It is the more courageous, more mature position to say, “Can I take that back?” or, “You’re right, I could have been (more/less)…..” You can prove to be the better person and not make them bitter too.

Help for Families iconFinally, Escape.

When you hear the argument intensifying and becoming hostile find a reason to excuse yourself. You could go get another helping of pie (or something), or help the host with a chore, or refresh yourself in the washroom.

Continue reading “How to Reduce Family Conflict During Holiday Gatherings”

7 Keys to Disciplining Your Anxious Child

Parenting Child with Anxiety - Discipline

Transform Your Parenting From Doubtful to Confident & Effective: Strategies for Parenting a Child with Anxiety – Discipline That Works

Parenting a child with anxiety is tough — especially when you’re busy and just want to do the right thing. “Parenting Child with Anxiety – Discipline” can feel like walking a tightrope. You want to set boundaries but worry you’ll make things worse. If you’ve ever felt guilty after a tough moment or unsure about how to respond, you’re not alone. This guide offers simple, gentle strategies to help you feel more confident — and support your child with care.

One Parent’s Story: Can You Relate? 

Anxious Child – Anxious Mom

Anxious Child - Anxious Parent - Family Therapy Online

Tamika (alias) is a devoted mother of two — a lively 13-year-old and a sensitive 7-year-old. Like so many working moms, her days were a blur of meetings, meals, and managing meltdowns. She came to see me out of concern for her younger daughter. She had started clinging to her more than usual and constantly asked for reassurance. Tamika found herself walking on eggshells, questioning every decision — from what to say, to how firm to be. Her older child was bold and social, always testing boundaries, while her younger daughter needed more gentle handling. She felt torn between raising her to be confident and not overprotecting her.

Transformation of Anxious Parent towards Confident Discipline

She spoke kind, encouraging words to her often. But in the quiet moments, she wondered if she was babying her. She felt emotionally drained by how much she needed her. The thought of pulling away filled her with guilt. When she resisted chores, saying they were “too hard” and called her “too bossy,” she hesitated to push back. It felt easier to just help her. But deep down, she knew she needed something more — structure, confidence, and her steady presence.

Over the next six months, Tamika built the skills to respond with calm consistency, not fear or frustration. She began to see her children’s different needs clearly and found her rhythm as a mom to both. Most importantly, she discovered how to show her daughter that her love was strong enough to set boundaries. Her love was also steady enough to stay.

So here are some of the tools that Tamika gained during her parent coaching sessions on “Parenting Child with Anxiety – Discipline.” While there were many more strategies explored, I can only share a limited number in this blog post. Still, these few tools can make a meaningful impact. They are simple and powerful. These tools help you strengthen your connection with your child. You will feel more confident in how you approach discipline with care and clarity.

Take one key strategy at a time and be kind to yourself throughout the process. Allow yourself the space to master your transformation, including the inevitability of making mistakes along the way.h to make a significant step in changing your parent-child relationship). Take and implement one key at a time. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself room to master your own transformation, which includes making mistakes.

Anxiety - Child Play Therapy - Parenting _ Family Therapist

Discipline Child with Anxiety – 7 Keys to Guide Parents

1.Set clear rules and expectations.

Give your child a vivid description and experience of what your expectations and standards are. You may role-play out your rules and procedures. When communicating your rules, discuss the underpinning values. This helps them understand why the rule exists. It also emphasizes the importance of respecting it. For example, we don’t have cell-phones at the dinner table because spending time focusing on family relationships is important. And, discuss the process of communications – how warnings and consequences will be given and implemented. Knowledge is security for your anxious child.

2. Consistency is key.

Inconsistency is anxiety provoking for any young child. Set up regular routines – a predictable pattern of when, where, and how things are done. Predictability increases their sense of safety.

3. Be a good role model of stress & emotional management.

This is self-explanatory but worth mentioning. If you remain calm and disciplined in your approach to life, your child will model your behaviour. Your child will learn to handle problems in his life. The best way for your child to learn discipline is by experiencing at home.

4. Communicate unconditional love.

“Make sure s/he knows that although you want and expect them to do better next time, you love them no matter what” (Foxman, p.99). This is important for your child. Anxious children are often inclined to hold themselves to perfectionist standards. They measure their self-worth by how well they can please others. As a result, even a single moment of displeasure from you will feel, to them, like a complete rejection. Your anxious child needs frequent reassurance of your unconditional love and acceptance.

One simple yet powerful way to support this is through the occasional offering of grace. Surprise them occasionally by letting an act of misbehavior go. No lectures, no consequences — just quiet forgiveness. When children receive grace, they begin to understand how to extend that same kindness to themselves.

5. Ensure your expectations are developmentally “reasonable”.

Statistically speaking, parents of anxious children will either underestimate or overestimate their child’s abilities. They may misjudge their child’s coping skills and stress tolerance. Your child may already have unreasonably high expectations of themselves. They worry about meeting these expectations. Ensure you are not compounding this by having unreasonable standards too. Consult with teachers or parent educators or research about what behaviours and discipline procedures are appropriate for your child’s age. For example, the homework of a 16 year old should require less monitoring than an 8 year old. By over-monitoring a 16 year old, you may show a lack of confidence in her abilities. You may deny her the chance to develop the self-discipline she needs to succeed independently in life.

6. Discuss or offer a positive alternative the next time a similar situation occurs.

Children do not always know the right thing to do in a problematic situation. When correcting them include a statement of instruction on appropriate ways to behave. For example, “we do not run away from the classroom when we do not want to read in class, instead we can… (a), ..(b), or …(c).” With older children you can guide them through the problem solving process by asking them to tell you a number of possible solutions and selecting the most appealing.

7. Establish your authority as a safety net.

Many children with anxiety because of their need for personal safety may become the little directors and authorities in their families. Their controlling behaviours, which may include some non-compliance, are often problematic for parents who do not understand the security need behind it. The misconception most parents develop is that children need to be in control to feel safe. However, your anxious child needs you to affirm yourself as the competent authority figure in their lives. They need to know you are capable and trustworthy. This doesn’t mean becoming dominant or controlling but it does mean having clear limits, and standing confident in your enforcement of these limits. Based on their own personalities and personal issues, some parents need support as they begin to assert themselves, either from a counsellor or partner.

The task of discipline is primary in the role of being a parent. It has its challenges, such as learning by trial and error and retrial. However, you can be successful in helping your anxious child develop the self-discipline he or she needs to be independently successful in life.


Therapy for Children with Anxiety

 Resources For Parenting Children with Anxiety

Anxiety Canada

Anxiety Disorders Association of Canada -Find your local province chapter for more resources.

Mistake Monday– A Challenge to reduce perfectionism in families. This is an illustration of the types of playful approaches that I use in family play therapy to help support the family system.

#playtherapy #edmonton

YouTube Video on Childhood Anxiety

Therapy for Children with Anxiety & Parenting Coaching

Help for Families Canada offers play therapy (counselling) for children in Sherwood Park, South Edmonton  who suffer from excessive worries, difficulty separating from parents, appear socially withdrawn (shy), or is driven for perfection. We also coach parents in how to manage these behaviours at home and in the community (parent skills training). If you are looking for a child therapist near you – we are adjacent to Bonnie Doon, Jackson Heights, Capilano & Forest Heights.


Therapy for Children with Anxiety

Invitation to Help Other Families & Parents

YOU are also an expert in your own parenting journey. I’d love to hear your thoughts on these 7 keys to “Parenting Child with Anxiety – Discipline.”

  • Which of these keys resonated most with you?
  • Have you tried any of them before — and if so, what worked or didn’t work?
  • Which one do you think would be the most challenging to put into practice right now?
  • Or is there a key you believe should be added to the list?

Share your experiences in the comments — your story will be just what another parent needs to hear today.

What’s Reasonable to Expect from Your Child’s Social Skills? – Info and Tips.

Selman (1981) proposed an idea of how children’s skills and perspectives on friendships develop over time. Outlined here as well are suggestions for how you, as a parent, can use this to guide and support your child’s social skills and strengthen your family relationships.

Stage 1: Friendship Based on Proximity  (3-7 years)

Definition: Anyone who is sharing the physical space can be a ‘friend’ in that moment. They express no sense of “loyalty” to friends. They are easily distracted by the new kid in the room with the newest toys.

Parenting Implications: 

This is a phase to be very relaxed about your expectations of your child’s relationships. Planning play-dates for them around your convenience and even your friends is acceptable. Don’t be disturbed if they express no sense of “loyalty” to friends. Teach your child how to enter and exit a playgroup graciously. Additionally, talk about and “practise” different ways to manage being left behind or excluded in a playgroup.

Similarly at this stage “family” are those people around me that play with me. To begin to lay core family relationship values I encourage you to spend time with them in their space sharing a similar activity with or alongside them.

Stage 2: One-Way Assistance  (4-9 years)

A friend is someone who does what you want them to, who helps you and “shares” some interests  (or, at least, offers little resistance to one’s interests).

Parenting Implications :

Teach children how to share with and help others.

Begin to introduce children to the basic process of how to talk to their friends about what they feel, want, and need. The first step is to help them to identify their own feelings and wants so that they can communicate these to others. During family interactions describe to your child what you think they are feeling and wanting in the situation and then seek clarification from them about the accuracy of your understanding.  Be patient however with your expectations of them genuinely empathising with the needs and views of others, this often doesn’t develop until age 9+.

As a family do things together that is fun for everyone. Promote routines such as chores as a way to help and share the responsibilities in the family.

Stage 3: Fair Weather Cooperation (6-12 years)

Friendship is conditional on “getting along”. Friendships easily ‘dissolve’ once there is a disagreement or conflict.  Children now describe their friends in terms of personal characteristics or qualities.

Parenting Implications:

Speak to your child about the value of commitment in friendships. This is an important phase to talk with your child about the qualities that make a “good friend”; encourage them how to be a good friend and recognise a good friend. Point out that good friends are hard to find and worth keeping in spite of differences of opinion.  Watching and commenting on the relationships in the media is a non-intrusive way to explore these values. You may also use family relationships, such as siblings,  as model for how relationships endure over differences.

Continue to support your child’s problem-solving skills.

Discuss with your children the core values underlying the family rules and routines you establish.

Stage 4: Intimate & Mutually Shared Relationships  (9-15 years)

Intimacy and getting to know each other begins to develop in friendships. They begin to share their problems, concerns, secrets with select friends. They can resolve conflicts. They may be very possessive of their best-friend or “bff” at this stage. Cliques may develop and become exclusive.

In adolescence, the ups and downs of friendships may have significant impact on youth’s emotional well-being.

Parenting Implications:  

Model and structure more egalitarian styles of relating for youth in your family relationships. Ensure that youth have the basic skills of how to be open and communicative of their thoughts and feelings and to be empathetic towards the thoughts and feelings of others.

If your  teen has a good quality friend, trust them and take comfort in it. Don’t take it too personally if your child is sharing more with her bff than you, at least you know she/he has someone to share with.

Set limits on special family time as exclusive time too.  Explain that special family times are times with them when you do not want to share them with their “other friends” whether it be virtual  phone/internet/text or physical.  Negotiate with your child how you set these limits. Some families have no phones at dinner time, some families have scheduled exclusive family activities.

Continue to reinforce in your tween’s values what defines a “good friend”, how to be one as well as recognise one.  This can be done quite casually be describing and commenting on other observed relationships you see in the media.

Stage 5: Autonomous Independent Friendships (12-adult)

Friendships can still be intimate and supportive but they allow individuals more freedom to have other friendships and relationships.

Parenting Implications:

They are forming their own support system now and are growing less reliant on you for support. This does not mean that you are no longer important to them or that you are not a significant source of support but you may have to become more accepting of their other relationships. This is a time for you as a parent to expand on and strengthen your own social relationship.  As your older teen (17+) develops more independence and maturity you will find your relationship transition into a more equal relationship where you can disclose more about your own life with them.

In regards to family relationships, you can continue to sustain a routine of family time as you have had but should now be involving your mature teen in the decision making about family activities. Ask them to plan a family night? Ask them about and show consideration for their schedule when planning family activities?  Be open to including a special friend or romantic partner in what would have been an exclusive family activity.

 

Additional resource

How Cliques Make Kids Feel Left Out

 

What other strategies have you used to help your child expand their social circle and keep them closely connected to your family. Please share your thoughts below.