Sibling rivalry is as old as time. Way back in the beginning Cain and Abel exhibited extreme jealousy and conflict. Once there are two people living together there will be conflict. But depending on personality, shared interests, and emotional intelligence some siblings actually have harmonious relationships. But, not all conflict is problematic or threatening. So why would you consider counselling?
Psychological harm
When one child, perhaps a very sensitive one, internalizes insults and threats, it can impair their self-image Sensitive kids can become anxious when overpowered by the anger or rage of another dominant or aggressive sibling. Aggressive sibling relationships can create domino effect extending from the home to school and general peer relationship difficulties (social withdrawal, poor social skills, peer rejection). Family therapy should be considered for both children.
Physical Harm
Children fight, especially brothers, but if a child is being injured at the expense of a sibling repeatedly, you have a problem bigger than you. Honestly, if you were able to deal with it on your own, it would not be a repetitive problem. As a parent, you have a responsibility to keep all your children safe. If you’re struggling to ensure safety, GETHELP immediately. Taking proactive steps can prevent the involvement of external systems like governmental child protection services.
Combative Family Culture
Every family has conflict. However if the general atmosphere of your home is tense, combative, and disconnected it could be problematic. Children thrive in an atmosphere of warmth, open expression of affection, acceptance, emotional intelligence and open communication and constructive problem solving. Poor outcomes for children are associated with power and domination in the home.
Benefits of Family Play Therapy for Sibling Conflict
Better communication
Discover and encourage shared interest
Relationship repair – apology and forgiveness
Competition Skills – how to win, lose, and bounce back
Problem solving & Conflict Resolution
Relationship building skills
Assertiveness
Emotional fortitude for the highly sensitive child
Help for Families Canada serves children, parents, and families in South Edmonton and virtually in Alberta and Canada-wide. We do play therapy with the children. We provide art and talk therapy for teens. Parent coaching for moms & dads is available as well as family therapy.
Want to know how to raise successful kids who thrive long after childhood?
As parents, we pour years of love, energy, and resources into our children. Deep down, our greatest hope is that they grow into confident, capable adults who find joy, purpose, and success in life.
You’re already doing so much to guide them. But having a clear roadmap can make the journey easier—and even more rewarding.
Recent studies from respected universities have identified common traits in parents whose children go on to flourish. In this article, you’ll discover 8 powerful, practical characteristics you can begin weaving into your everyday parenting.
Think of them as gentle guideposts—new-year resolutions that not only support your child’s future success but also strengthen your bond as a family. By embracing these principles, you’ll be creating a foundation of security, resilience, and love that will serve your children for years to come.
I want to share some invaluable habits and key principles that can guide your son or daughter toward a positive path. At the end of this post, you’ll also find a bonus PDF download containing additional tips, solutions, and tools that I usually only share with my parenting coaching clients. If you’re interested, you can read the full article on the 13 characteristics published by Rachel Gillett and Drake Baer in Business Insider (May 2017).
What Can Parents Do To Raise Successful Kids?
1. They hold kids responsible for their chores … discipline
Yes I understand the whining and the draining repetitive reminders we have to endure as parents to get some of our kids to do chores. You may be lucky to have that fun-loving kid who considers 10 minutes at the sink to be equivalent to doing 10 months of time in prison, “what crime have I done mom that you would draw me away from my game to do the dishes?”. However, chores teach kids the valuable lesson of discipline and responsibility. Work is to be done because work is to be done. Work is a part of contributing to the whole family. It creates a sense of positive identity (“this is my job”) and service and importance (“Others are depending on me to do this, I am important”).
“Kids raised on chores go on to become employees who collaborate well with their co-workers, are more empathetic, … and are able to take on tasks independently”, states Julie Lythcott-Haims, former Dean at Stanford University.
I have found as a counsellor for a number of families that if parents make the effort to institute the discipline of chores in their families from an early age, there is significantly less of a struggle later on in adolescence. But, if you must engage in the struggle with your tween or teen, begin this weekend, it will be harder but it’s not too late. (Bring in back-up enforcers – grandparents)
2) They teach their kids social skills early and continually
Research indicate that a child’s capacity to get along well with others well in kindergarten is a good indicator of that child’s success 20 years later, becoming college graduate and employed. The converse finding is that low social skills at a young age indicated criminal activity, addiction, unemployment and poverty. Wait, don’t panic, if your kid is beyond kindergarten and struggling, there is hope, social skills can be learnt. You can help him/her at home looking frequently for “teachable moments” and optimising them. You can also get help from a school counsellor, the child and youth worker, or a therapist. Supports are available to help in the school, and in the community (e.g., support and skills groups for kids, individual and family counselling).
This is so important I am going to share with you 4 social skills that you can begin to work on at home this year. There are a lot of possibilities but you want to start with only a limited few as goals. You or with your child’s class teacher may be able to find what’s personalised for your unique child.
Emotional Language
How to identify and label different states of mind and feelings in self and in others
Share and Take Turns
Kids must learn to share and take turns with others during play and or work. “What do I do while I wait for my turn?”
Manage their own strong emotions
Emotions ( such as- anger, fear, jealousy, frustration), and impulses (“I feel like and want to hit, but I won’t”).
Problem-solving
Ask self “what can I do when I’m not getting along with others?”
3) They Believe In and Have High Expectations Of Their Children
Every child was created with potential. Parents who can recognize and help their child discover the potential within them, even if it’s sometimes deeply buried, will assist that child in achieving their best. Believing in your child isn’t a mystical concept, it translates in the words you speak to them, the way you challenge and encourage them, and the resources you invest in them. Communicating high expectations is not perfectionism but it is holding them accountable for performing at their best level. The most important benefit of believing in your child is their internalisation of that value and they learn to believe in themselves too. This develops in the context of attachment parenting. A child who from his soul believes in themselves is unstoppable.
Watch the video of Oprah describing the huge contribution the belief in herself, and positive self-image made to her achievements (Find the link in the download at the end).
4) Agreeable Relationships Between Parents or Co-Parents
Coparenting is a lifelong commitment that extends beyond the boundaries of the marital union. Every couple has conflict. Many couples have strong conflict about their different parenting styles and opposing family values and beliefs. But, when conflict becomes hostile, the children are negatively impacted. Hostility between parents has a negative impact on kids whether their parents are living together, separated, or divorced. In fact, conflict isn’t just hostile, the undercurrent of passive-aggression and quiet contempt is equally disturbing for children (of divorce). Children become highly stressed (higher cortisol levels) in these environments and this blocks their capacity to learn, to cope well, to perform at school or sports, or maintain their own peer relationships.
Mothers and fathers who learn to work together as partners in parenting, raise children who are more happy, well adjusted, and are higher achievers. (By the way, partnering as parents involves skills and structures that can be learnt. There are many parenting classes or parenting after separation programs in your community to help.) #bestinterest
5) They have a positive, caring relationship with their kids.
Since John Bowlby first reveal his theory of attachment we know that children who are raised by attentive, responsive caregivers develop a positive worldview of themselves and others and this is a building blocks for success in childhood and on into adulthood. (This is my sweet, passion spot, I can write on and on, this is why I do parent coaching).
Children who have a good healthy relationship with their parents just do better, at basically,.. almost,… EVERYTHING.
Tania Bryan -Help for Families Canada.
All your investment in providing your child with music lessons to learn to play the piano, tennis and hockey coaching, private in-home tutoring in math and the sciences, all sorts of technology and learning devices, together they do not give you the return on investment, as spending quality time with your kids, and becoming a calm, confident, caring parent. #attachment
6) They Are Less Stressed
I hinted at this before. Children mirror the emotions of their caregivers, and significant people around them. If you are stressed out, hypervigilant, and irritable children internalise these states and act them out. Yes, sometimes kids act out what you are holding inside. The solution is, as a parent, learn to manage your personal stress with self-care and positive coping strategies, and your kids will learn to do the same and, thus be able to thrive. #self-care #stressmanagement
7) They have a growth mindset – valuing learning over avoiding failure
Carol Dweck, was the first to propose the idea of a growth mindset. It is the belief that one’s success is not based on fixed, unchangeable innate traits (intelligence or attractiveness, talents, etc.) but characteristics or skills that can be learnt, and developed with time and effort. This is powerful in parenting because children learn from their moms and dads that failure or limitations are only obstacles to overcome or detours and not dead-end or cliff (#growthmindset #failforward). Listen to Carol Dweck explain it herself at a TED Talk .
8. They teach “grit” or perseverance
Grit, is defined as “a tendency to sustain interest in and effort toward very long-term goals” stated by psychologist, Angela Duckworth (as cited by Gillet & Baer, 2017).
Let’s break this down.
A “tendency” is a lifestyle habit of being. Grit doesn’t develop as a one-time occurrence. It builds in repetition.
“to sustain interest in and effort” To sustain something is to keep it going in spite of the resistances to stop it. To sustain interest and effort is to keep motivated and committed the application of energy and work. (I believe in faith but even the Bible teaches that faith without work is futile). Motivation can be internally sourced or it can be inspired by others.
Toward – speaks to direction, having a focus. Effort is not just spewed aimlessly. Effort and interest is intentional.
Very long term-goals – Having goals speaks to having vision, having a dream. The capacity to imagine and visualise things that are not as if you they are. To build an imaginary bridge from the future into the present. It involves delayed gratification because the dream they imagine is not available in the instant. A long term goal is one you have to wait and work for a long-time.
To overcome the urge to quit, in the face of the many, many, many obstacles life is sure to present itself to child, they should have some practise under your positive guidance with the trait of grit.
Struggles of Special Needs Kids On The Road To Success
Not all children are equal. I am not going into the fixed mindset and contradicting myself, but I must in honour of some of the kids I counsel, recognise that some kids struggle more than others. I’m not meaning to limit and pigeon-hole them, but by bringing these struggles out into the open, I hope to encourage parents who are struggling with them in silence to know that there is a space to talk about these challenges. So,… along the journey of parenting, here are some of the challenges some of you might experience.
Coming Up In Follow-Up Blog Post Are Solutions to Some of These Parenting Challenges
Regarding Chores with the Uncooperative, Irresponsible Child
Regarding Social skills for ADHD child
Regarding Believing In The Unmotivated Child
Regarding limited stress and the chronically stressed or Anxious Child
Regarding Perfectionism in children and fostering a growth-mindset to embrace failure
Opportunity for More Personalised Parenting Support
If you are living with any of these issues, FOLLOW this BLOG as the next post will address some of these issues. In fact, if you comment now below and tell me what’s personal to you, I promise to focus in on the issues most relevant to my readers and subscribers.
Help for Families Canada provides individual & family counselling to children, parents, and families. We help parents face the struggles they silently endure, but now, not alone. Parents receive support in how to set firm boundaries and responsibilities with their kids, how to master the chaos of out of control feelings, how to motivate and encourage their unmotivated and their driven kids, and how to take care of themselves so they can succeed along with their kids. Co-Parenting Classes help parents unite around the mutual vision of raising successful kids. Often time, with play therapy techniques such as storytelling and gameplaying, kids learn the skills and mindsets they need to maximise their potential to succeed. Find out more about our Counselling Services in Edmonton. You can schedule online for a FREE Phone Consult Call.
All Hail Halloween, Or, MAYBE NOT! Halloween is a wide-spread tradition of Westernised North America but there are a minority of families who do not engage in this celebration. Members of other ethnic or religious groups, including some Christian parents, experience some restrictions during the Fall Season to find community activities for their school-aged kids and families. If you search you can find alternatives. But, you don’t have to. I have compiled some simple family fun activities for the Fall season, including Thanksgiving, which does not include anything ghostly. And, these shared experiences can also be explored by families who also enjoy a bit of October dress-up. It’s a list that is widely inclusive.
1. Make apple recipe; apple cider, candy apples, apple pie, apple h pancakes, apple sauce, apple crisp, and candy apples.
2. Visit a corn maze
3. Go apple picking
4. Roast marshmallows by a campfire
5. Go hiking (Maybe in Whitemud Park, or the River valley- Edmonton)
6. Select a classic book (or books) to read out loud together or individually over a few weeks. If you chose to read individually you may create a book-club style sharing or exchange books to read at one’s leisure. Contact your local library for suggestions (e.g. Edmonton Public Library).
7. Go pumpkin picking
8. Over the long holiday weekend play a more long-duration family game such as Settlers of Catan, Kallouki (our family favourite), assemble a jig-saw puzzle, etc.
9. Bake your favourite pies
10. Bake a new pumpkin recipe. Pumpkin bread, roast pumpkin seed, a pumpkin dip, pumpkin cheese cake, pumpkin spice waffles
11. Do a Fall craft together
– Door wreath
– Leafy picture frame
– Paint acorns or pinecones
12. Go on a Fall nature shoot with one or individual cameras.
13. Learn about why and how the leaves change colour
14. Rake up tree leaves in your yard or neighbourhood. Make a pile and jump onto it.
15. Thread leaves to make a fall garland.
16. Build a “Thankful Tree” with collected sticks, tree leaves and paper leaves. On the paper leaves write out what each person is thankful for.
17. Read together and out loud stories together. Fall books for kids include
– “Secrets for the apple tree”
– “Red leaf, yellow leaf”
– “Leaf man”
– “The fall festival”
– “How did you know it was fall?”
– “Fall mixed up”
– “Fleeter and the family leaves”
– “Fall Harvests bring in food”
– “Welcome Fall”
18. Visit a farm. If possible, go on a hay ride
19. Watch afternoon sunset
20. Attend a local or nearby “Oktoberfest”
21. Story telling night. Make up stories and tell each other – they can be fantasy stories, mysteries, funny stories. Cuddle up by a fireplace (if you have one), or in the family room with blankets
22. Go star gazing. Look for possible constellations or star shapes
23. Go shopping for cozy winter socks. Choose styles and patterns that represent each member’s personality. Embellish them with charms or buttons or iron-on decals.
24. Search for the best hot chocolate or caramel latte in your neighbourhood. Share with other family members and friends your reviews and ratings as you go.
25. Create early your family Christmas wish list. If possible take advantage of Black Friday Sales (have a pre-set budget) in-stores or online.
26. Get rain boots and umbrellas and go walking in the rain. Stop and jump in some puddles.
27. Get and light up a favourite fall candle. Or, learn how and make a fall potpourri (cinnamon, apple pie, or wood)
28. Sing Karaoke or play on instruments to a favourite movie theme song, or children’s action fall songs. Some suggestions include:
a. Autumn leaves are falling down
b. Way Up High in a Apple Tree
c. Grey Squirrel, Shake Your Bushy Tail
d. Scarecrow Song
29. Watch favourite thanksgiving movies. Some to consider include:
– Monumental
– Pocahontas
– Old Fashion Thanksgiving
– A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving
– The Big Chill
– Planes, Trains, and Automobiles
– Free Birds
– Love at the Thanksgiving Parade
– Remember the Titans
– Dutch
– Home for the Holidays
30. Volunteer at a Food Shelter. Help serve thanksgiving meal to others.
31. Organise a Clothing Drive. Collect from friends and neighbours scarves, hats, and gloves and donate them to a local charity.
Formally the Fall season spans over 12 weekends. I hope that out of this list of 31 activities you can find at least 4 or 5 that you can incorporate in your own family Fall traditions. Remember, family activities should be fun, you don’t have to stress out to do something every weekend. The focus is on spending quality time with your kids and building positive memories that will still last beyond the season. And, when the icy winter comes revisit our blog for the Winter edition of Family Fun.
Help for Families Canada is a small organisation offering counselling services for kids, parents, and families in South Edmonton. Our core mission is to support the enhancement of the parent-child relationship. We believe regular times of family fun are an important ingredient in building a sense of belonging and connectedness in families. We offer our clients practical coaching and resources to equip them to foster and maintain positive, close parenting relationships. We invite you to find out more here or our Faith Based Services
A Father’s Reflection on His Own Reality and Role in Parenting
Guest Post
Father’s Day is around the corner, and it feels like the right moment to reflect on fatherhood.
As a husband and a dad to two young kids—a son who’s nearly 11 and a daughter who’s 6—I’ve been thinking about what this role really means.
Fatherhood isn’t just about being present; it’s about being intentional, connected, and engaged in the everyday moments that shape our children’s lives.
Being an “everyday-kinda-guy” seeking to provide for the family, meeting the non-financial needs of our kids as a father is not easy. I am growing to realize that what my kids need emotionally from me is not the same as is expected from Mom. They want me to play with them and do stuff with them when I feel like doing something else. Many times I get home from work feeling the need to emotionally get away to my own world to unwind. Life itself can feel so emotionally draining at times in just trying to deal with my own concerns of providing for their future. The danger is that my concern for the future makes me deny my kids of the attention they need from me now in the present.
Fathers Make An Impact On Our Kid’s Lives
Research shows that fathers spend more of their relational time with children in play. Their style of play is often more physical and exciting than that of mothers.
Fathers tend to engage in “horseplay” — like chasing kids around the house as a “scary bear” or lifting them high for an “airplane ride.” These playful moments let children feel a mix of amusement, arousal, and just a little fear — all in a safe, fun way.
This insight comes from Chapter 6 of Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by Dr. John Gottman and Joan Declaire. I was pleasantly surprised by how closely it reflected my own experience with my kids.
My little girl often pretends to be scared, but her laughter always gives her away. She delights in the game—the fun, the silliness, and me becoming the scary bear, or whatever creature the moment calls for.
In our family, it’s clear: they don’t turn to Mom for chasing or rough play. That’s my role, and I’m grateful for it.
Dads, Kids Need To Feel Our Presence As Much As Seeing Us There
I read further along in chapter 6 of the above mentioned book in which one Levant was quoted as stating (and countering) the observed traditional stereotype that
“……a father is someone who works hard, who isn’t around much, who criticizes more than he compliments, who doesn’t show affection or any other emotion except anger – no longer applies”.
The quote from Levant goes on to state that
“…men are supposed to be sensitive, caring, enlightened dads who are really there for and involved with their kids…the only problem is many men don’t know how to be that kind of father, for the simple reason that their own dads weren’t that kind of father to them.”
I am sure many dads can relate to these statements to some degree and if nothing else, it should inspire food for thought as we reflect on our own parenting situation.
I believe there’s a quiet call for us dads—not just to be physically present, but emotionally available too.
Emotional involvement means more than just doing activities together. It means stepping into their world with empathy. We need to connect with how our kids feel in the moment, not just enjoy the time from our own perspective.
Sometimes we walk away thinking, That was fun, and assume we’ve done our job. But we may miss the deeper impact those moments have on their minds and hearts.
When we offer emotional presence, we ground ourselves. We begin to see family life with greater appreciation and depth.
I’m learning this in real time. There are evenings when I want to retreat and be alone after a long day. But when I choose instead to step into my kids’ world—to “smell the roses” with them—I feel lighter.
It shifts my perspective. It reminds me that life isn’t just about my stress or worries. The problems may not disappear, but being emotionally present helps me keep everything in balance.
Be Aware Of Your Kid’s Everyday Needs As A Father
We should always seek to stay tuned in to our children’s everyday needs as they grow even as we try to find a balance between work life and home life. The authors of “Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child” also encourages that as dads we should seek to do this regardless of the nature of the relationship we may have with the mother of our kids. I totally understand this point as all household relationship dynamics vary but our kids still need us in spite of our imperfections living in an imperfect world. We are their dad and contrary to what many may say or want us to believe, our kids need us physically and emotionally in their lives.
But hey, this is just a reflection from a dad—like many of us—who never got a practice run.
There was no trial round to sharpen my skills, no pre-clone to help me become the perfectly prepared, emotionally tuned-in super-dad.
Fatherhood doesn’t come with rehearsals. It’s a lifelong journey of learning, growing, and doing the best we can with what we know today.
As fathers, we can become so focused on providing for our families that we unintentionally lose sight of something just as important—spending meaningful time with our kids.
Sure, they may feel disappointed when we can’t buy them the latest or coolest things their friends have. But what matters more is how we show up in those moments.
When we stay emotionally connected—when we explain our choices with empathy and offer a “lesser” gift or shared experience instead of the “perfect” one—we send a powerful message.
We’re showing them that we care. We’re letting them know that their feelings matter and that their disappointment touches us too.
And after the moment passes, what they’ll likely remember isn’t what they didn’t get. They’ll remember how loved they felt. They’ll remember that they mattered—and that their dad truly cared.
Help for Families Canada offers practical hands on training for fathers in our Parent Training Program. Customised Support is available for step-fathers, single fathers, and married fathers in Southside Edmonton. Click on the link below to schedule a time to talk to a therapist.
Items A Parent Of A Child with ADHD or a Learning Disability Must Have
Source: Clipart Pal (PD)
Homework time can feel like Hell. (Pardon me for the language, but if you live it, you know what I mean). As a former special education teacher, and a mom with a child with attention and hyperactive behaviours, I know how challenging it can be to get an unmotivated, unfocused, easily frustrated child to start, and (dare to dream) … complete a homework assignment. Until the school boards approve homework in video-gaming app format, here are some cheap, easy to find Dollarstore items (#tools) that will help ease the agony. (#adhd, #learningdisabilities)
Ear plugs — Useful to minimizes auditory distractions.
Dry erase board— create weekly calendar of when assignments are due. For the child with a learning disability you may colour code by subject (blue – Math, Yellow – Language Arts). #dyslexia
Checklist pad — task manager. Itemize steps or tasks involved with doing larger projects
Small Squishy Ball — small air or foam filled balls for squishing and fidgeting while working.
5. Digital Kitchen Timer — Necessity for ADHD child. Set time goals for them to complete segments of their assignment. Set time for movement breaks or approved off-task breaks.
6. Foamcore boards or 3-Paneled Project boards — Create a personal space zone at desk or table to reduce distractions. Very helpful you have siblings working together in same space (e.g. shared kitchen island)
7. Chewing Gum — Provides oral stimulation, (repeated motor action) which may help some children focus.
Find Local (Edmonton) Dollar Stores for Homework Tools
Wondering what are the dollar stores serving your neighborhoods of St. Albert, Sherwood Park, Ellerslie, or Summerside in Edmonton? Check out
The Dollar Tree
– 2 locations: Calgary Trail and 28 Avenue
Dollar N Plus
– Heritage Valley off 111 Street
Dollarama
– South Edmonton Common
Live in another city in Canada or the US? Find one in Google Maps
Help for Families Canada offers counseling support to children with ADHD or learning disabilities as well as parent skills coaching. Through various play therapy strategies children learn skills to regulate their energy and attention and how to work through feelings of failure and frustration so that they have more confidence and become higher achieving students. Click below to find out more.
Suggestions from an elementary/middle school teacher & tutor
H.O.M.E.WOR.K, defined by kids as “Half of My Energy Wasted On Random Knowledge”. Homework is a sore point with many parents and students. For students, they feel as if homework should be non existent and takes up too much of their time. On the other side at home, homework is also a torture that many parents would love to wish away too.
Why Do Families Hate Homework?
Homework has been associated with:
Increasing the stress levels in children
Inducing more frequent and more harsh conflict between parent and children
Reducing children’s access to personal recreational and other social experiences
Robbing families of opportunities to engage together in fun, relationship enhancing activities.
Homework should not be a burden but rather should be a continuation of work done during the school period. Unfortunately many schools pile on too much homework which really isn’t necessary. As a result, often times children are turned off and parents end up doing their children’s homework.
Read More: How much homework is too much? ( Filed Under” Notes” on Facebook Page )
So what really is the point of homework?
According to research studies done, Dr Harris Cooper, University of Missouri, homework had no measurable effect on achievement for elementary students though it did for high school. Cooper recommends that homework “helps elementary students develop proper study skills which, in turn, influences grades.”
Others have argued that homework helps children practise, learn, and retain concepts taught in the classroom. But, “If the kids haven’t learned the concepts by the time they leave the classroom . . .the homework is pointless”- Heather Broos, Cnn.com
Parents should not get stressed over helping their children with homework but should rather take it in strides. As a teacher and private tutor, one of the things I encourage parents to do is, if they come across a concept that they do not know, instead of stressing over it, either tell their child to ask the teacher to explain more, or they set up a meeting with the teacher. But in my classrooms, it was quite okay for homework to not be completed in that moment. However, not all classrooms are as lenient so here are some ideas to help children and families better cope with the realistic demand of homework.
Help for Parents and Families Trapped in Conflicts
3 Mistakes To Avoid
Doing the Work. Parents should guide their children with homework and not give them the answers or do it for them. What is meant to be a learning process for children ends up being all too easy which leaves children without learning important skills on how to access information or even acquiring correct study skills.
Allowing Shortcut Methods. With technology at our fingertips it is very easy to access information but having this simple access is often misused as parents log on to the internet to get answers to their children’s homework. Discourage children from going to Google to search for answers. If your child does not know the answer or how to solve a problem, chances are that the concept was not grasp correctly, therefore children should be encourage to speak with their teacher.
3 . Competing with the Teachers’ Methods. Moms and Dads, do not be afraid to let your child know that you do not know the answer. And, if while you’re trying to help, your child complains: “that is not how it is done by the teacher”, sigh, don’t feel embarrassed, let them complete the assignment as for the teacher. Then, as soon as possible, make arrangement to talk with the teacher so that you are on the same page with how your child is taught. You will then have consistency which is important to a child’s learning pattern.
Children should have a desk or sit around a table when doing homework. Try to cut out the distractions around. No television in the background or ipods on. Tablets and smartphones are used as work tools at homework time; engagement in text conversations and checking social media sites should be discouraged. Provide all the tools they need to work at their homework station.
Watch DIY Video: Make Homework Caddy by Home Organizing Alejandra
Children should be encouraged to do homework at a certain times on weekdays and during the weekend. Avoid waiting until the last minute, i.e., late in the evening, late Sunday afternoon, or the day before the deadline. Procrastination stimulates more stress for both parents and children.
Children with learning disabilities should not be overwhelmed with all the homework at once. Rather, divide and introduce the homework in small portions at a time. For such children structure is very important and breaks should be given in between. For example, alternative methods of delivering the ideas of the homework might be considered – audio powerpoint presentation versus the traditional 4 page typed report.
Always remember that you learn best by doing and children need to learn how to learn. If helping your child with homework is stressful, then seek help either from the teacher, a tutor, or another family member who may have more patience. Occasionally, a child’s chronic struggle with homework may be a sign or symptom of a learning disability, or a deeper level emotional issues of perfectionism or performance anxiety. While there are self-help references for parents to support school-aged children with perfectionism, such as Leah Davies, Perfectionism in Children. However, the delicate process of unpacking the underlying web of beliefs associated with the fear of failure often requires interventions led by a child or teen therapist (cognitive behavioural therapy or mindfulness).
The essence of homework should be to practice and build on concepts learned. It should not be a burden or should not be stressful to children.
About Author:
Charmaine Walker is an educator, located in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. She may be found on Twitter or LinkedIn.
The struggles with homework for children and parents have been recognised and there are now many services in your community that help families, both paid and free. These include professional individual tutors, small group tutoring programs, volunteer individual help. Please do your own research on the credibility of all tutoring services. Below we mention some local Canadian services in Edmonton & Beaumont.
# Edmonton Public Library. Their interactive website has tools to help kids – Online Resources – homework help. Check out the availability of quiet reading or study rooms at Riverbend in Terwillegar. There is also the Reading Buddies Program – available for kids in grades 2-4 where reading support is provided by high school kids.
Help for Families Canada offers counselling support for children struggling at school. With the application of various play therapy techniques, your child will have improved study and organisational skills and become an independent, more confident, and better performing student. Parents will also receive coaching in how to get more cooperation from their child (addressing the homework conflicts and beyond).
offering unique tips, tricks and tools for parents, mompreneurs, and
businesses. She is a published author, award winning children’s
singer/songwriter, brand ambassador and parenting news contributor.
Most importantly, she is the mom to three beautiful boys.
Help for Families Canada offers counselling services to children and families in South Edmonton, Leduc & Beaumont in our local office (coming soon – online/phone support). If the wars between your children seem close to nuclear and you need a mediator or peace broker, reach out for help.
Turn your home environment from strife to support. Email us today to set an appointment.
Money issues in relationships are rarely just about numbers.
Most couples don’t argue about math. They argue about meaning — security, fairness, power, responsibility, and trust. What looks like a disagreement about spending, saving, or debt is often something much deeper.
If you’ve ever thought, “Why does this conversation about money always turn into a fight?” you’re not alone.
Financial tension is one of the most common sources of conflict for couples. Yet many partners feel ashamed admitting how much strain money discussions create. Over time, small disagreements can quietly become patterns of criticism, defensiveness, or emotional withdrawal.
The truth is this: money issues in relationships are not a sign that you’re incompatible. They’re often a sign that unspoken values, fears, and expectations haven’t been explored safely.
When couples learn how to talk about money differently, the conflict shifts. Conversations become clearer. Decisions feel more collaborative. Trust strengthens instead of eroding.
Let’s look at why financial conflict happens — and what actually helps.
Hidden Sources of Financial Conflict
People are complex, and this complexity affects the relationships they build. Things are rarely as they appear. As a couples therapist I have seen couples who come in complaining that they fight all the time. “What do you fight about?” I ask curiously. “Money” they state in chorus. Upon further exploration of the arguments between couples, I discovered that there are often underlying issues contributing to disputes about money.The following are some of my observations.
1. Unresolved baggage.
Individuals carry values about money and finances from their past experiences in former relationships, whether with a partner or their parents. In this case, they project their distrust onto a loved one, regardless of the present partner’s actual actions, beliefs, or values. This expectation stems from another person’s actions. Holding an innocent party accountable for another’s crime feels unjust. The fears might be real, but the jail surrounding the accused remains a harsh reality; this punished party may feel enslaved by unwarranted guilt.It is not this relationship’s money problems but unresolved past relationships that inevitably drive a wedge with this couple.
2. Power difference.
There might be a difference in the power to influence the decisions within the relationship. One person has a stronger voice, or their actions are less questionable than the other. Sadly, many persons fail to recognise that monetary control is one form of spousal abuse. When every dollar you spend gets regulated and rigidly monitored, it raises a big red flag. Similarly, if your partner is frequently buying designer items at over $1K each racking up your credit card debt in the process, and they persists regardless of your expressed displeasure, they are in control of your relationship.
In some instances spending is one partner’s way of reclaiming their personal power in the relationship. Have you ever gone revenge shopping? No judgement here because this is a widespread practise. Once, a lot earlier in their marriage, Joy (alias) felt so hurt by her husband’s actions that she went out to a high-end store (one where she would never shop at) and bought 2 leather jackets and a handbag.. While charging it at the cashier, she felt recompensed as she thought “There… you pay for that”.
Money Problems in the relationship is not the problem. Partners are not living from the power of being securely loved by an equally valued partner. The aim is not to perpetuate a cycle of domination but to find ways for each person’s voice to be heard and valued, strengths to be incorporated into the relationship with a culture of “we” instead of I vs You.
3. Low Faith in Relationship Sustainability.
Someone is reluctant to share or partner equitably with the other because there is an underlying fear that the relationship will not last. Persons whose parents had a bitter divorce or who previously experienced a torn relationship may be vulnerable to these feelings of doubt.
4. Low Trust or Belief in Partner’s Financial Competence.
Simply, one partner does not trust the other with money. This could be because of their partner’s history of gambling, or high accumulated debt, a perceived irresponsibility to pay their own bills on time, or a perception of their ‘over-spending’. The root of this condition may be a real, evidence-based problem, or it could be a matter of perception of the differences in money values. Scott & Bethany Palmer talk about 5 different money personalities which people have regarding their values with money (saving, spending, risk-taking, security, and the casual flyer). When one partner tries to make the other conform to their personality, the effort commonly meets with resistance. Seek to find and focus on your partner’s strengths and avenues in which they have grown financially.
5. Unforgiveness.
Commonly this springs from the other partner’s previous errors of money judgement or mistakes. For example, s/he quickly invested in a quick-rich scam which cost you substantial loss or the memory of the cost of funding their now resolved addictive habit (drugs, gambling). The innocent partner is still holding on to the feelings of distrust and blame for the previous incident(s). If you are not going to leave the relationship and hope to rebuild trust one step is important. Forgive! (
Offering forgiveness after betrayal is very difficult. Many couples are unable to resolve this by themselves. This may be a situation to seek the expertise of a couples therapist.
Sometimes stuff is used to fill the emptiness and void in the heart. Many people receive love and appreciation in various ways. When our partners feel that their emotional needs are unmet, they actively seek to fill that gap with other things.. In many married relationships this can become an unbalanced focus on the kids, striving in ones career, or sometimes spending money on desirable items. Shopping can create a thrill or “high” that people experience.. This dynamic is one of the most challenging to admit to. To reveal my emotional unhappiness, however, is to risk your rejection and judgment. Consequently, the pain of that exposed rejection is more than the pain of living with the quiet sorrow of being unfulfilled in our relationship.
When to Seek Support for Financial Conflict in Relationships
Many couples only see that they are fighting about money and do not see what the fights about money are really about.
Many couples hesitate to seek support because they believe they “should be able to fix this themselves.” However, structured guidance often shortens conflict cycles significantly.
If you’re feeling stuck in money issues in relationships and want a calmer, more collaborative approach, you can explore our Online Couples Counselling services here:
Read together the book: Smart Couples Finish Rich- David Bach. (Edmonton Public library has e-book and print copies).
Connect with The Money Couple – Scott & Bethany Palmer. Their website has great resources for couples dealing with financial differences and difficulties.
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Couples Counselling @ Help for Families Canada
Help for Families Canada is dedicated to supporting couples both online and in-person; consequently, this makes it easier than ever to seek the guidance you need. Our online services extend throughout Alberta and beyond, ensuring accessibility for families across multiple provinces.
For those in South East Edmonton—including Summerside, Ellerslie, Bonnie Doon, Othewell, Jackson Heights, Millwoods, and Beaumont—we offer convenient in-office appointments.
With flexible scheduling options available throughout the weekdays, evenings, and weekends, we’re here to help you strengthen your relationship at a time that works best for you. Don’t wait to take the first step towards a healthier, happier partnership.
Parents & Kids Enjoying Winter Together – A Customised Guide
Snow, Sub-zero winter for 6 moths a year. “Brrr! Winter’s here, and sometimes, it can feel like everyone’s stuck inside. But guess what? It doesn’t have to be that way! Let’s talk about winter family fun! Forget the screens for a bit. We’re going to dive into ways to make this season awesome. Think snow forts, hot cocoa, and memories that’ll last a lifetime. Are you ready to ditch the winter blues and create some real joy? This is your guide to turning chilly days into the best winter family fun adventures. Let’s make this winter one to remember!
Family Fun with your Physically Active Children
Build a model together. “Visit your local hobby or craft shops for model kits – pieces for cars, places, buildings, etc. Alternatively, you can carve out a car or plane with soft wood. Adding a new piece every year becomes a proud collection to display. Furthermore, it may later become an heirloom to display and pass on to your kids when they grow up.”
Visit the indoor rock-climbing facility for some active fun together. (In South Edmonton: Vertically Inclined Rock Gym)
Visit an indoor amusement park (here in Edmonton we have Galaxyland). Alternatively you may visit a neighbourhood indoor play centre (e.g. Play Gym in Summerside, Ellerslie), book time at the local recreational centre gymnasium for an hour family hoops. Some community recreational centres (e.g., Terwillegar Recreational Center) have drop in/ playrooms too.
Coming soon : Outdoor winter family fun
Family Fun With Your Social Children
Have them help host a family (or family & best friend) themed party for the holidays. It could be Boxing Day, New Year’s Eve, or New Year’s Day. It might also be the last Saturday night of the holidays. Choose whatever time works for you.
Play family party games: Charades, Taboo, Cranium, & Pictionary, are just some of my favourites. I am sure you kids have ideas for other trendy party games so be sure to ask for their input. Maybe select a family member to chair family game night on a rotational schedule.
Take your child out on a one-on-one date. It is to the local coffee shop for hot chocolate. Or, checking out the latest released movie at the cinema.
Family Fun With Your Talkative/Expressive Child
Take your children out for a night-time drive to look at the holiday lights and displays. Engage in and enjoy the conversations that emerge (or that you, well,… initiate).
Read aloud a classic or contemporary book.
Read a chapter or 2 together aloud at night before bedtime. (Trust me, even the disengaged teenager warms up to listening to a good story. Keep your expectations low because s/he is not gonna “show” it). Some of my favourites are: Anne of Green Gables, Little Woman, Chronicles of Narnia. I also love Oliver Twist, Lord of the Rings, the Hobbit, and The Christmas Carol. Ask your local librarian for suggestions.
“Want to borrow a library book?” Then place it on hold early. For example, my family reads the Chronicles of Narnia. Therefore, I always reserve those books ahead of time. Also, preview the book first. You’ll avoid surprises. One year, I brought home Treasure Island. The old English was too hard. Even though the story was good, we couldn’t follow it. That’s the teacher in me, always planning!”
Family Fun With Your Analytic, Systematic Child
Visit your local hobby shop or bookstore and purchase a logic puzzle book for the season. You can solve puzzles together. It is okay to be competitive. You may purchase multiple copies of the same book. Then, race to see who solves the puzzle first.
Recruit your logical/analytical child to help support your social child in planning any family gathering parties.
Play strategic games together. Some great traditional board game are Chess, Mancala, Monopoly, and Chineese Checkers. Many of these are available as apps. Two cool websites to check for online smart games are coolmath-games.com and sheppardsoftware.com. Two other apps you may check out are Unblockme and Elevate.
Coming soon related: Family time apps
Family Fun With Your Musical Child
Create a CD of your favourite holiday or Christmas songs. Host a Holiday Karaoke party.
Attend a Christmas pageant or play at a local church or school. If you have teenagers you might consider visiting a show in a distant, unfamiliar neighbourhood. Try this to avoid losing your family time to your teenagers’ friends.
Re-compose a favourite holiday song as a rap, country or a reggae tune. This is especially fun if you incorporate musical instruments. An electrical keyboard often comes pre-programmed with beats that represent various styles of music. No musical talent is required. I don’t have any myself.
Family Fun With Your Artistic Child
Make your own ornaments together. It may be as simple as cutting out shapes from foam sheets and stringing it with pipe-cleaners (from Dollarstore). Craft stores also offer a range of wood-cut outs, paper mache or ceramic ornaments to personalise.
Create a snow-globe together. Each person places an item in the globe which represents a special memory they had with the family this year. This memorabilia can be made of modelling clay.
Create a holiday scrapbook or blog. Take pictures of special events and experiences over the season. You can create a few scrapbook pages with printed pictures, or you can create a family digital album. Dedicate a time every year to look over previous holiday memories.
Family Fun with Reflective/Service Oriented Child
Volunteer with a shelter or food bank to help pack hampers for families.
Celebrate Positivity & Kindness – encourage conversations where family members share a story about something inspirational or encouraging to them. It is a quote, a story of someone else act of kindness, or an experience they had helping someone recently. Sit around in a circle and pass around a symbol which gives the holder sole speaking rights.
Family Ladder time
Ladders are symbolic of climbing towards reaching a desired item or goal. Winter is a great time to reflect on how our lives have unfolded in the last year. It’s also a perfect moment to visualize what you would like to become in the new year. Host a family meeting. Invite each of your children and teenagers. Adults should also set goals for their personal development.
Write each goal down on a 3 x 5 inch index card and post them on a foam-core board. In family therapy, I invite families to draw a ladder with 4 rungs representing every 90 days. In a family counselling session, families review their goal cards. They share in honest accountability where they are in their journey. They discuss what challenges they’ve had, changes made, and success stories. After each person shares, they move themselves to the next rung. (Sharing a short version of one of my play therapy activities with you).
Fun with your Nature Loving Child
Go for a nature walk, collecting your own greenery for homemade wreaths of garlands
Go for a walk around your neighbourhood in the full-moon. Look up on almanac when the next full moon will be. Bring along a mug of hot chocolate.
Collect the sand castle molds and shovels and go out in the snow and build snow castles.
Sit by a park lake and watch the animals. Squirrels can be very entertaining, at least,… for a while. Or, if you have really young kids hunting for cloud pictures is always. Or, play a game of 10 questions with young teens. The whole idea is to be outside enjoying nature together. Do whatever you love to do together.
Final Thoughts.
Our children have naturally different interests. As wise parents, we will try to consider their individuality when planning family time with them. If you have more than 4 children, you might need multiple activities in a family time. Alternatively, have family times more often. It is impossible to please everybody all of the time. However, do try to please everyone once in awhile. This effort will greatly help build a sense of belonging. It will reduce conflict. It will also protect your family from needing interventions from counselling professionals like myself.
Share your ideas, what do you do with your family in the winter months? Do you have a child with special needs, how would you adapt any of these to fit your family?
Help for Families Canada offers an one of a kind parenting program. We are passionate about helping families come together and enjoy each other more. Book a free phone inquiry if we could help you.
For many families the holidays are special times to connect with loved ones they don’t see often but, it can also be stressful as a backdrop for opposing personalities to collide. What if you could get together for hours with your siblings, in-laws, step-family members, (and others) over a holiday meal and leave without arguing or fighting explosively with anyone? Here are some tips to help you have a happier family holiday this year.
Signs of Conflict
Look for the warning signs. If you see any of these behaviours unfolding in your conversation with a family member you might be on the edge of another unfriendly dispute. (Based on the conflict research by Dr. Rob Kendal, Psychology Today)
Blaming. Energy is focused on assigning blame on the other for the problem instead of seeking a solution.
Intensity. Emotions take over, the intensity rises, voices raise and threats and insults are hurled.
Dismissal of the other’s ideas and feelings. (“Yes, but…”). The other party’s opinions and feelings are ignored because they differ from the speaker. Persons therefore become argumentative and defensive in order to get heard or to win the debate.
Domination and control of the conversation. This may look like interrupting, completing the other’s sentences, steering the topic and flow of the conversation, etc.
How to Turn Things Around (Relationship Repair)
Okay, what if you tried to swerve around conversation dangers but you still find yourself in a dispute with your family nemesis? Here are a few strategies to try to reduce the damage and avoid ruining the party:
Express appreciation.
According to J. Gottman (renowned relationship expert) taking a moment to acknowledge appreciation for the other person’s experience or willingness to express their differing ideas has been proven to soothe escalating persons. Say something like … “I didn’t know that you saw things that way, I’m glad you told me”.
Focus the conversation on finding a solution
Be solution-focused instead of on the complaints and blaming someone. Ask yourself and the other person, “What can I do to help the situation…?”
Repeat what you’ve heard the other person saying.
Hold back on putting forward your own perspective. Let them know you understand their position. Desist from offering your best, well-intentioned advice (even if it is also widely proven and endorsed by experts).
Accept some responsibility.
Look for how your actions or words might have contributed to the argument/fight. It is the more courageous, more mature position to say, “Can I take that back?” or, “You’re right, I could have been (more/less)…..” You can prove to be the better person and not make them bitter too.
Finally, Escape.
When you hear the argument intensifying and becoming hostile find a reason to excuse yourself. You could go get another helping of pie (or something), or help the host with a chore, or refresh yourself in the washroom.
Increasing the stress levels in children
