Frustration & Anger | Equipping Children with the Tools To Cope

Anger Management Solutions for Parents to Use when a Child Feels Frustrated

Child psychologist child anger management Edmonton Alberta

Frustration and anger management is one of the emotional struggles most young children experience. With most children develop the skills and tools they need to manage frustration as they continue to develop. However, for nontypical children, like those with ADHD, direct coaching is often necessary. This post provides parents and their child’s influential teachers with practical tips they can use at home to support their easily frustrated child.

How do I help my child with frustration and anger management?

Start by validating their feelings rather than rushing to fix the problem. Use co-regulation by breathing with them to lower their physical arousal. Once they are calm, reframe the struggle using the “Power of Yet” to encourage a growth mindset.
What are the best anger management strategies for kids? Effective strategies include:
“Mad Moves”: High-energy physical releases like high knees or wall pushes.
Body Awareness: Teaching kids to recognize “hot” or “tight” physical sensations before a meltdown.
Kind Self-Talk: Replacing “I can’t do this” with “This is hard, but I am learning.”
When should I seek professional anger management for my child? If outbursts are frequent, involve property damage, or if your child seems consistently unhappy, professional coaching can help. At Help for Families Canada, we provide specialized Anger Management Counseling in Edmonton and across Alberta to equip your family with long-term tools.

Use Empathy & Validate Feelings

WAIT! … Slow down. DO NOT RUSH TO PROBLEM SOLVING.

Use your sense of curiousity and explore why your child is feeling frustrated in this situation. Ask curious questions that invite them to tell their story. Listen, really listen. Listen to the feeling, listen to how they are struggling and why this is so hard for them in this moment. Listen for what they wish for or need in this situation (if they are able to volunteer this, depending on their developmental level). If they can’t volunteer what they need, you may ask the simple question, “how can I help you feel better in (name the struggle). ?

Promote a growth mindset- Power of “Yet”

After validation of feelings, gently reframe the situation as an opportunity for learning. S/he has not achieved success today in this present moment, but with more practice, they could learn the best way to do the task or skill. Repeated effort increases the likelihood of success.
“It’s hard for you right now, you have not figured out how to solve algebra YET”

Breathe WITH them. Co-regulation Anger Management Strategy

When your child is feeling and expressing their angry feelings, they are most likely too agitated to be sent off to “calm down by themselves.” If they knew how to separate from their emotions and “calm down” on their own, they would not be yelling, saying hurtful things, or destroying property.

This is where co-regulation comes in — and it’s the reason why breathing with your child is so much more powerful than sending them away.

So what exactly is co-regulation? Co-regulation is a mutual act — an exchange of calm between two people. When it comes to adults and children, it means helping a child learn to regulate their own emotions by showing empathy and modeling calmness. In other words, your nervous system becomes a guide for theirs.

This isn’t just a parenting philosophy — it’s backed by neuroscience. The brain has mirror neurons that actually make emotions contagious. Children can essentially “pick up” your calm state. When you slow your breathing and soften your body, your child’s nervous system begins to follow your lead — not because you told them to calm down, but because you showed them what calm feels like.

At its heart, co-regulation is connecting with a child who’s in distress and evaluating what that child needs in the moment to help them calm themselves. According to Lauren Marchette, a child and adolescent psychologist and lecturer in psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, the first step for a parent is to pause and self-regulate their own emotions — such as by taking a deep breath.

Read more from Harvard Health on co-regulation:

This is exactly why, instead of sending your child to time out, we invite you to breathe together. You take the lead and model for them how to regulate. There are many, many styles of breathing — find one that is soothing for yourself and practise it together.

It’s also worth noting that co-regulation is a developmental process, not a quick fix. Before a child can self-regulate, they need to co-regulate. Co-regulation begins in infancy — and as caregivers, we play a huge role in helping children calm down. Every time you breathe with your child during a moment of anger, you are building a skill they will eventually be able to use on their own.

And here’s the added bonus for you, mom or dad: while you are breathing with your child, you are also calming and soothing your own activation to their angry behaviour. You are co-regulating together — and you both come out the other side a little more settled than before.

Direct their attention to how their body feels when angry

The challenge with anger is that it is one of the most energising forceful emotions. Anger demands attention and one’s body feels it and it compels your child to take action. Below is a list of how anger may show up in your child’s body. If you teach them with gentle guidance to notice the body sensations along with the naming of these sensations that “this feeling (body sensation) means that I am angry”. This mindful observation is the building block to help your child’s awareness of their own feelings and then the capacity to “use their words” and less reactivity in and through their body.

“Mad Moves” -Movement as Anger Management

As mentioned before, Anger is a HIGH ENERGY emotion. Adults are better able to contain their energy. Kids may need a positive strategy to release that energy.

“Our Play Therapy services often utilize these physical ‘Mad Moves’ to help children process big emotions. We have 6-10 movements, “Mad Moves”, we teach low frustration tolerance kids that they can draw on when they feel frustration and anger. Below I name and describe our top 3

Three Movements (no equipment) helps release anger energy – Play Therapy

  • High Knees
  • Side Lunges
  • Hand Push Off

Stress Reduction- Alternate Movement Exercises- At Home (Equipment)

If you have space and materials in your home some other at home activities may include:

  • chasing after their pet in the backyard
  • go for a bike ride
  • jump on a trampoline
  • Run and catch the ball – football style.
  • skipping rope jumping

Frustration & Anger Management Counselling for Children & Youth.

Take A Break Away from the Task Causing Frustration

Powering through your emotions may not work all the time. Sometimes it helps to recognise and validate the overwhelm or frustration and acknowledge that we need some distance from the task. There is a difference between “Quitting” and Pausing”.

This is especially critical during tech transitions, where losing a video game or ending screen time can trigger intense digital frustration. Applying a “strategic pause” before the transition helps children reset their nervous system and move away from the screen without a meltdown.

A short term distraction may be sufficient, or maybe a longer term break may be needed to decompress and restore the motivation to try again. It depends on the intensity of their feelings of frustration and the time frame available to complete the task.

As the parent be mindful not to pull a child back to work prematurely. It may only cause a repeat of the frustration-avoidance cycle.

Kind Self-Talk instead of Self-Blame

Words are powerful and the most powerful words are the words we speak to ourselves about ourselves.

Help you child to speak to themselves with kindness. “What would you say to your good friend if they were feeling the same frustration you are right now?

Some kind phrases to help inspire your child with self-kindness may include:

Frustration and anger management self-talk phrases for kids - Help for Families Canada.

Validate “It is okay to ask for & receive help”

As a part of our humanity we are not designed to figure ALL things out by ourselves ALL the time. There is nothing wrong with self-reliance and independence BUT, we all need a little support sometimes (with at least some things). It is important from an early age to teach children that it is okay to ask for help and that it is okay to receive help being offered.

Frustration & Anger Management Counselling for Children & Youth.

“Teaching frustration and anger management is a journey, not a one-time fix. If your family needs personalized support, Help for Families Canada offers specialized Child Anger Management Counseling
in Edmonton and across Alberta online. [Book your free phone consultation today] to start building a calmer home.”

Book Phone Consult

Empower your child to manage frustration

Resource Books for Parents & Child Therapists

What to Do when Mistakes Make You Quake – link to purchase at Play Therapy Supply

What to Do When Mistakes Make You Quake – link to purchase at Amazon Canada

5 Ways to Resolve for Better Parenting

Family Centered New Year Resolutions for Lifetime Impact

Parenting - New year resolutions. Recommendatiions by parent educator or parenting coach in Edmonton Alberta

Parenting is complex but it does not have to be too complicated. Below you will find 5 actionable resolutions or decisions you can make and take consistently to positively transform your parent-child relationships. When your family has positive parent-child relationships it has significant spinoff benefits for emotional wellbeing, resilience and capacity to thrive for all family members.

Schedule time monthly in advance for Self-Care .

In 2021 I researched and published an article on selfcare for child play therapists (see reference below). One key finding is that having passive intention to do more self-care does not translate into action. Persons who are committed to self-care make it a priority by prescheduling time off in their schedules for the self-care activity of their choice.

Today take out your calendars or planners and mark off times for your self-care for January, February, and March.

2. Be curious about your child’s world, interest & strengths

When I conduct intake sessions for child therapy with parents one of the key questions I ask is about their child’s interests and personal strengths. Often a parent can tell that their child spends a lot of time videogaming, but when asked “What is their favourite game right now?” they are unable to answer anything specific.

We spend a lot of time doing things for our children (helping with homework, driving them to soccer, hockey, or dance practise, feeding them etc.) and I understand how these responsibilities added on our professional lives can be exhausting. However, asking a few curious questions about their likes, dislikes, dreams and trying to get to specifics will build a stronger connection between yourself and your child.

Be encouraged to keep expressing interest even if your child or teen seems closed off and gives you “one-word answers”. Your persistence in the pursuit of a close parent-child relationship matters.

3. Build a collaborative partnership with your co-parent

Whether you and your co-parent are in an intact romantic relationship or have been separated for some time, it is important to be sharing in the load of the parenting responsibilities and engagement.

(If you are in a high-conflict separation and evidence proved to be in your best interest to do exclusive parallel parenting, skip this point).

One of the practical solutions to reduce parenting stress is parenting as a team.  Having someone else to tag in and out of situations that are triggering for you is a blessing. It is valuable to discuss concerns with a concerned parenting partner and brainstorm together potential solutions. It matters to have someone in your family unit from whom you can gain emotional support (just listen to you vent without judgment).

Practically speaking this means resolving to having transparent conversations about how parenting is going for you. Share answers to:

-What triggered you recently in an interaction with your child?

-What ways recently did you feel isolated or alone in a parenting situation?

 -Validate verbally to your partner a recent experience when you admired how they stepped up in their parenting.

– What areas do you each see as strengths you have in parenting and plan how to maximise these individual strengths for the common good of the family.  

If your biological coparent is not available to be of support, consider enrolling another member of your circle to provide occasional substitute role. This person could be a family member, a close trusted friend, or a trusted member of your church or faith community.

4. Improve on your Active Listening skills in parenting

Active Listening is, in my opinion as a parenting coach, the most valuable skill in parent-child relationship building, no matter what age your child is. To put into a summary here is a brief overview on how to be a better listener:

  • Listen with your eyes – pay attention to the non-verbal messages when your child is talking. Look at their eyes, look at their posture, look at their body movements.
  • Ask curious, open-ended questions. Start your questions with “who, “how”, “why’ rather then “when”, “where”, and “what”. Or make inviting statements like: “Tell me more about that”, Describe what you were thinking in the moment.”
  • Respond to what you hear by restating in your own words what you understood.
  • Ask for clarifying questions when you are not sure you understand the whole picture.
  • Reflect on what your child was feeling in or about the story they are telling you. Do not minimise, dismiss, or oppose how your child tells you they are feeling. Their feelings are true for them even if you would not feel the same if you were in their situation.

“That made you feel – sad/mad/surprised/happy/worried.”

5. Spending more one-to-one time with each child

Investing in quality family time is invaluable. If you want to work on that, you absolutely should. Since each child has a unique parent-child relationship, it is important to invest quality time in these connections. By doing so, you not only strengthen the bond but also foster a deeper understanding and support for each child’s individual needs.. Decide on activities based on the child’s development age, interests, and availability.

Positive relationships improve communication, reduce conflict, and enhance cooperation. You won’t have to yell so often or repeat yourself; children will be more open to listening to you. To make it simple and measurable, you could begin with one activity per month per child. Again, scheduling this quality time is necessary to hold you accountable for taking action.

Take Aways for Stronger Parenting

In essence, fostering a stronger, more connected family doesn’t require drastic overhauls, but rather consistent, intentional shifts in our daily interactions. By prioritizing self-care, cultivating curiosity, nurturing co-parenting partnerships, honing active listening skills, and dedicating individual time to each child, we lay the groundwork for a more harmonious and fulfilling family dynamic. These five resolutions are investments in the emotional well-being of our children and ourselves, creating lasting positive impacts. By embracing these practices, we can transform our homes into spaces of understanding, respect, and love, fostering strong, resilient relationships for a lifetime.

Remember, parenting is a journey, not a destination, and there will be times when you need extra support. If you are struggling with your parenting, consider reaching out to a parenting coach. They can provide personalized strategies, tools, and encouragement to help you create the fulfilling family life you envision.

Learn More About Parent Coaching @ Help for Families Canada

Help for Families Canada has an exclusive personalised parenting program. We build our support to match the unique needs & characteristics of your child & yourself & the dynamic between you.

Also available is a program for parenting a child with ADHD as part of our ADHD Coaching Service.

Learn more: Personalised Parenting Course

Learn more: ADHD Coaching – Parenting ADHD Kids

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Back To School Anxiety in Teens

Worries About School Your Teen with Anxiety May Have

Child Psychologist Teen School Anxiety - CBT Treatment

Change is challenging for most of us. Youth face some important changes in their schooling journey. For a teen who struggles with anxiety, change is a major trigger for worries and other physiological behaviours. Teens may come for counselling during transitions from elementary to junior high and junior high to high school. Troublesome thoughts may also show up in transition from one grade to another. This post unveils for parents some of the most common worries teens in transition bring up in therapy. Then learn some practical mental heath strategies you as a parent can immediately start using to support your child to better cope and access more peace.

Troublesome Thoughts Parents May Not Know About

  • Who are the kids in the new classes and will they be able to make a place to belong and make friends?
  • Will I get lost in the new building or campus in the first few days or weeks to find my classes/activities? 
  • Will I get along with my new teachers?
  • How will I manage the new routines and rules? What if I forget a routine and I get in trouble for not doing things as expected?
  • How will I make friends when there are so many students? How will I know who is safe to approach and talk to? What if I try to talk to someone or a new group and they ignore me?
  • Who will I sit beside on the first day of classes?
  • What will the others think of me as the new kid in school? Will I make a good impression?
  • What if the teachers at the new school give a lot of homework and I am not able to keep up? What are the consequences that will happen to me if I start falling behind on assignments and I am not able to catch up? Will the teachers punish me? Will my parents punish me?
  • What if I get targeted by bullies at this new school? What if bullies make my life miserable all year long? How will I be able to get help or get out of that situation?
  • Will the school/teachers be accepting and accommodating to my special needs (e.g.. ADHD)? I know they may talk about it and write it out in documents, but what if in everyday classes no accommodations are activated? What if I fail because the support I need is not there?
  • What if the bad experiences I had at my last school continue, or get worse, at this school? What  if my hopes of positive change are shattered?
Connect Now with Specialised Child Anxiety Therapist

Make this be the pivotal year in your child/teen’s school-life

Parent Coaching – Steps To Help Anxious Child/Teen

What I do NOT want you to do from this list of worries is for them to incite you into higher anxiety about your child. Instead I recommend the following parenting tips.

Be Mindful of Potential School Anxiety in Teens

This is a very busy time of year for us as parents. This summer we may have had vacation plans to make and execute, found activities and programs in which to enroll our children as we fought off the summer monster “boredom”, and now later in the summer we are doing back to school shopping. It is very easy to be distracted by the doing of responsible things that we miss the feelings of the kids in the season.

Check-In with Curiosity

Worrying is a process that centers in the mind. It has been my experience as a child-youth therapist that some tweens and teens are very good at not displaying outwardly their anxiety to others. I have observed in building rapport in my counselling role  that for some youth an indirect check-in is best, conversely,  others  are eagerly waiting for someone to ask them directly so that they sense they have permission to talk about it

Indirect Check-Ins

“What are your friends’ feelings and thoughts related to starting a new school year or going to a new school? How do you think this year may go for you?

Direct Ways to Check in

Change and going into something new and unknown can bring up some nervousness and worries. Do you have any worries about the changes you may face as you go to a new school or start a new school year?

Or  even more direct: Use one of the worries mentioned about and ask specifically about it.

 “Do you worry about what your teachers will be like this year and if you will get along with them?”

“Do you worry about not finding a way into the friendship groups in your new class/grade?” 

Help Child with Anxiety Calm Using Breathing Techniques

The first breathing technique I might teach is scented square breathing.

Using a pleasant scented candle or aromatherapy roll-on . The teen breathes in for 4, holds for 4, exhale for 4, inhale for 4, hold for 4, and exhale for 4.  I have adapted this approach with adolescents and removed the hold after the exhale as many just learning deep breathing techniques find the empty lungs hold to be very difficult.

The Center for Adolescent Studies published a simple breathing technique that is simple to learn and do. They referred to it as “The Shoulder Shrug”

Shoulder Shrugs: 
“Roll your shoulders back and down so they are away from your ears. Breathe deeply in through your nose as you raise your shoulders up by your ears.
Breath out and lower your shoulders.
Repeat movement 3-5 times and feel the tension melt away.”

Center for Adolescent Studies
Connect Now with Specialised Child Anxiety Therapist

Make this be the pivotal year in your child/teen’s school-life

A CBT Strategy That Reduce Youth Worries

“Flip That Thought” – Re Catastrophising

Often adolescents, and adults too, can get caught in the thinking trap of catastrophizing – that is thinking about the worse case scenario as if it is destined to be true. A simple way I teach youth to challenge this thinking is to flip the thought.

What if a bad/worse thing happened? What could you do to cope with it?

BUT,

What if good/great things happened? What would you do with your success?

Worse Case Scenario ;

 What if no one talked to you in the first week of school? How could you plan to deal with time alone so that you feel more okay about it?

Flipped That Thought To

Best Case Scenario:

What if a number of people talked to you and seemed genuinely interested in getting to know you? What if a few of these new acquaintances turn out to be your good friends?

It is not impossible for disappointing and hurtful things to happen, but it is equally as likely that good things can happen to us as well. We can choose to focus on thinking about positive anticipation to lower our anxieties.

Anxiety Treatment for Teens – Edmonton, Alberta, Canada wide

Childhood anxiety is one of the specialist areas I focus on as a child therapist. I am trained to adapt CBT and DBT and body-based therapies to support teens, and to empower their families too. Within a few months of counselling you will see more smiles, greater confidence, and a return of lightheartedness in your teen. We offer online counseling to all of Alberta and across many provinces of Canada. In office delivery is available to Edmonton & Sherwood Park.

There are no risk involved in checking us out. Click below to set up a free one on one phone call to find out more.

Connect Now with Specialised Child Anxiety Therapist

Make this be the pivotal year in your child/teen’s school-life

Self Care for Parents with Child with ADHD

7 Strategies to Keep Your Mental Health Needs in Focus

Titlepic Blogpost Parenting ADD Kids Moms and Dads

1. Get Informed

ADHD is a very complex disorder. It’s not simply about being hyper and distractible. If you are stuck in this simplistic view as a parent you are prone to perpetual frustration and worse manipulations by “others”. There is so much diversity in how this condition can look and demonstrate itself in a child. You will have to learn about ADHD in your unique child. 

There are several disciplinary areas of ADHD. There are the health and medical aspects, there are the education aspects, there are the relationships aspects, there are even people talking from a spiritual context about ADHD. Some of these or all of these may be relevant to your child. 

Why is information important to self-care?:  

  • You are an intelligent being, learning new information and skills is stimulating to your own brain and personal development. 
  • Your knowledge enhances your understanding and critical evaluation of the expertise of others. Not everything is right for you or your child, or your family. 
  • Your knowledge will empower you to communicate your needs or expectations confidently and clearly to others about your child or family. When you know what you are talking about, more people will listen. 
Wellness Parenting ADHD Kids Advice Counselling

Let’s Talk About Supporting You

2. Invest in Friendship with other Parents of ADHD Kids

One of the biggest unspoken barriers to having a supportive community around yourself and your child is the discomfort or intolerance others in your circle reacts with towards your child’s atypical behaviours. It is exhausting work to constantly explain and defend your child to others. Being with peers who are familiar with the lived experience of ADHD and raising a child with ADHD is an emotional comfort.  These families are sometimes reported to be more accepting, more supportive, more empowering, and just more relaxing to be with. Relaxed to be with, not just for you, but for your child to be with too. You need that for you. 

3. Get Childcare or Respite Regularly

“I’m so stressed out because I can’t get or keep a babysitter because my child’s oppositional behaviours are more than others can tolerate,” you might be saying to yourself.  I know, I understand. I know families whose children have been expelled from daycares, had babysitters quit mid shift on the first day, etc. 

What I want to suggest is you search or recruit from a different source. Persons who have been more successful working in respite or childcare are those who: 

  • Have specialised training, like nursing students, psychology or education students
  • Are mature but active adult age who can meet up to the physical demands of your hyperactive child. 
  • Have siblings, other family members, or close friends who also have special needs
  • Are paid well and treated with kindness and appreciation. Don’t be impersonal and aloof. Treat them as life-saving personnel. 
  • Are other moms of ADHD kids who are willing to do childcare swaps. 

4. Establish A Grounding Mourning Routine for Yourself

Wake up 15 minutes early and give yourself some time for personal self-care before any interaction with the children. This should give you more power to go through your days. 

5. Exercise. Get More Active

Exercise is one of the most powerful self help habits you can develop. It is not just about losing weight and looking good. The greater benefit of exercise is feeling good. 

  • Fact 1: Exercise increases the release of “happy” hormones that can causes you to feel more satisfied and positive about life. 
  • Fact 2: Exercise reduces the negative stress related hormones which are associated with depression, anxiety, overwhelm, and insomnia. 

Stop using the mirror or the scale as an indicator to exercise.  Start being mindful of your mood. 

Mom & Dad Parenting Tips Quote Tania Bryan

6. Ask Special Needs Child & Family for More Contribution

Children with ADHD or other special needs can develop a self-concept that they are always the ones in need, that others need to support them. Sometimes  parents can get locked in this frame too causing us to overwork ourselves in the caregiving role. One of the best things you can do to reduce your own feelings of overwhelm is to start enrolling the assistance of others. Make requests like “Can you plan what you want for snacks this week?” “Can you load the dishwasher?” “Please help your sister Mary with her project.”

Sometimes a simple admission of limitedness  and vulnerability can inspire the troops.

“I’m feeling so tired this evening, what can you do to help me get the dinner done so that we can have movie night earlier?” ( I understand you make talk and talk and talk about your needs and this frustration can cause some cynicism. However the asking often works better without any tone of cynicism or sarcasm )

Let’s Talk About Supporting You

7. Make Sleep a Priority

Laura, a stay at home mom of 3,  has just had her last battle of the day getting her sons to fall asleep. Matt, the eldest, who has ADHD went through the expected resistances. She turns off the room lights and walks into her own bedroom. She is exhausted but instead of falling off to sleep she is restless, wired, unable to relax.  This is the routine for many parents who push through in survival mode all day. (Coaching moms to find their night-time calm is part of Help for Families Canada Self-Care course).

3 Sleep Secrets To Fall Asleep Easier

For you I’ll open up and share 3 of our most popular wind down secrets:

  • Use your bed only for sleep and intimacy. Do not use your bed as your work, thinking, reflecting, mentally planning space. Do that somewhere else then go to bed. 
  • Invest in high quality aromatherapy. Scents like lavender are helpful for most, but you might have another scent that is soothing for you. Some stores have pillow sprays.
  • Routinise a cool evening bath or shower every-night. Some moms make it a special spa-time. They may use their special bath soups or salts, maybe play some of your favourite soothing music, light a scented candle. You do not have to do that every night, that may add to your stress, which defeats the purpose. There is a key factor that I must highlight – night-time showers should be cool instead of warm because increasing body temperature increasing alertness.

Poster Wellness for High Stressed Moms of ADHD kids

Self-care is not selfish. Also, self care is not an abstract idea trending in social media spaces. Care is an active word. You don’t have to implement any of my ideas. There are an overabundance of posts about self-care online, but, do something!   What small action are you ready to take this week to take better care of you? 

Challenge a friend  or your local ADHD parents support group by sharing this with them. 

SHARE – Someone’s sanity could benefit

Help for Families Canada provides counselling for children and youth who struggle with ADHD. Additional services are specific to parents to empower them to be the best support for their child at home and advocate for them in the community. 

Find Out More About Play Therapy
Find out More About ADHD Parent Coaching (Online & On-Site)

Building A Family Culture of Gratitude

Parenting Tips to Change Whining & Begging to Acceptance & Appreciation

Parenting Grateful Children Parent Coaching Family Therapy
Boy Finding Gratitude in Simplicity – Source: Unsplash

Reverse the Discontent. The holiday season can feel overwhelming. Stores overflow with ads, sales, and glittering displays. Kids, especially, are hit with constant reminders of what they “need.” Stan Bernstein called it the “Gimmies”—that endless list of wants.

The Dalai Lama put it simply: “When you are discontent, you always want more, more, more. Your desire can never be satisfied. But when you practice contentment, you can say to yourself, ‘Oh yes—I already have everything I really need.’”

Thanksgiving encourages us to count blessings, but gratitude shouldn’t stop once the leftovers are gone. The question is, how do we carry that mindset into everyday life for both kids and adults?

The answer is small, steady steps. With daily habits, families can shift from constant wanting to true appreciation. Here’s how to start.

When Kids Say “It’s Not Fair”: Turning Shopping Struggles Into Teachable Moments

Every parent knows the sting of a child’s words. Last week, while shopping for my daughter’s Christmas play costume, I faced one of those moments.

I set clear rules before entering the store: we were there for one item only, and we would be in and out. My 12-year-old son, N, didn’t like that plan. Almost immediately, he started pointing at hoodies and sweaters. With each “Why won’t you buy me this?” came comments that cut deeper: “You only buy nice clothes for A.” “You never get me anything good.”

The irony? Just the week before, I had surprised him with brand-new sneakers. And the hoodie he wore during this rant? Yes, I bought that too.

Why the Words Hurt So Much

It’s normal for kids to want things, but it feels different when requests turn into accusations. When N questioned my fairness as a parent, it stung—not because of the hoodie, but because it attacked my character. Like most parents, I work hard to give the best to both of my kids. Yet in his mind, my efforts disappeared in the heat of the moment.

Memory can be selective. Children often focus on what they don’t have, forgetting the things they already do. That’s where discontent creeps in, and where parents must guide them back to perspective.

  • “Why can’t they just be appreciative?”
  • “Why can’t they play with the toys they have asked for previously and now discard in a corner in their room?
  • “Why can’t they see that their closets are enough?”

  If you have had similar experiences and (internal) reactions, read on.    

Finding the Teachable Moment

Instead of matching his frustration, I paused until we returned to the car. Then I gave him context: the sneakers last week, the hoodie on his back, and the effort I put into making sure both children feel cared for. It wasn’t about proving myself. It was about reminding him that fairness doesn’t mean getting something new every time we shop.

Moments like these are tough, but they open the door for teaching. Kids need help seeing the bigger picture—and sometimes, that means calmly pointing it out after the emotions cool.

Yearlong Activities For Moms and Dads To Foster More Thankfulness

1 Make or buy and send personalised thank you cards.

Develop a practise that whenever someone receives a gift or a kind gesture to encourage individuals to express appreciation via writing a personalized card. The cards may be DIY or purchased, it your choice.

2: Inspirational Reading.

Read books out loud  together about characters who demonstrate gratitude. Below in the Resources you will find some links to books for toddlers to middle schoolers.

3 Journalling.

Depending on the age of your children each person may hold an individual journal or hold a big collective journal. A half blank and half lined exercise book is a simple adaptation of a journal for 3-6 year olds where they draw pictures and dictate their words. Below in the Resources you’ll find a #printable 12 Week Calendar of Prompts.

4 Blessing Scrap Book. 

Memorialize great events in a scrapbook. Store pictures, ticket stubs, certificates, report cards, etc.

5 Family Community Service.

At the time of the year where the focus shifts to consumerism your child and teen can get caught in the “mommy I want”. Mommy please buy me…” This is the time to engage in a family in volunteering in your local community. Spend an afternoon at the food bank distributing food to the many families who use the service. Visit a shelter. It you do like going out and doing something, do a project at home and deliver or bring a charity or non-profit of  your choice. Create a hamper for donation with all family members making or buying a select items for inclusion.  

6 Incorporate Social Media- Share #Thankful Thursdays.

If you have teenagers, set one designated Thursday per month as family Thankful Thursday. Share on your social media your appreciation publicly, tag each other, if they will permit that.

For younger kids you adapt other ways to do #TT. You can select books to read together or out loud  the promote the value of gratitude. Discuss how you can be inspired by the stories.

Below are some suggestions of books. (You can purchase direct from Amazon by clicking on link)

7. Grab bag of Appreciation

For family dinners and parties with friends collect names of attending guests in a party bag. If your kids are crafty or artistic they may enjoy designing & making name cards for the bag. When guests arrive they select a name. On the card allow space for guest to think  ahead and make notes  of responses regarding the identified person  After dinner or at a later designated time everyone takes turn sharing an appreciated sentiment about the named person.

 Suggestions include

A happy memory I have about …..

….. is very good at  …..

… is helpful to others by ….

A universal mission  of all parents is to raise happy healthy children  For gratitude to have it’s full effects on optimising happiness  it must be habitual. The habit of gratitude is a protective factor  for many adverse circumstances that could crash into your the lives  of your children and family. It’s starts with your leadership. Make a commitment today to at least one action, discuss it this weekend, start next week.

MORE RESOURCES FOR YOUR FAMILY’S TRANSFORMATION

DOWNLOAD Printable Calendar(pdf) – 12 weeks of Gratitude Conversation Starters & Journalling Prompts

Three Months Gratitude Journal CalendarDownload

4 Apps for Grateful Meditations My Counselling Clients Appreciate

  • Bliss
  • Insight Timer
  • Unique Daily Affirmations
  • Gratefulness

Read Aloud Books

Books For Toddlers & Preschoolers to Learn to Give Thanks

The Thankful Book – Todd Parr

Picture Book Resource About Thankfulness

Hardcover Kindle

Books for School Aged Kids to be Mindful to Count Their Blessings

Maddi’s Fridge –

School Age Kids Book about gratitude

Hardcover Kindle

Those Shoes –

School Age Books about Gratitude

Paperback Kindle

Books for Junior High Tweens to Promote Positivity

Out of My Mind

Book about Appreciation for Middle School Aged Teens

Crenshaw

Novel about being appreciative faith for youth counselling

Kids Theme Song – Attitude of Gratitude by the Swinging Bells

Video – 3 Keys to Unlocking Gratitude – Ted X Talk – Jane Random (20 min)

WANT MORE?

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Ask a question in the comments below and we will respond

We can help walk with YOU through this journey of transforming your family’s lifestyle. EMAIL US. Let’s Talk

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Childhood Grief Recovery

Helping Your Child Heal After A Loss

Childhood Grief Recovery. Grief Counselling Children. Child psychologist offers Grief Support for children and families in Edmonton
Source: Unsplash – Supporting A Child After Loss of Loved One

Death is final. Kids don’t always understand that. But, they feel the pain of losing someone. This pain looks different in kids than in adults. It can be hard for parents to know how to help. That’s why understanding childhood grief recovery is so important. This post will help you see how grief affects young children. You’ll learn how to give better support. Remember, kids can experience loss in many ways. Your child, or other kids you know, may be hurting. You can help. Learn about childhood grief recovery. Read and watch to find out #howto support a grieving child.”

Childhood Grief – Types Loss Kids Experience

Counselling Kids after death in family Loss of a parent – divorce or separation

Counselling Kids after death in family Death of a parent, sibling or family member

Counselling Kids after death in family Loss or death of a family pet

Counselling Kids after death in family Loss of opportunity to share future life milestones with their lost loved one.

Counselling Kids after death in family Loss of familiarity and belonging in community when families move

Counselling Kids after death in family Loss of connection to a friend because of distance or conflict in relationship

Counselling Kids after death in family Loss of togetherness of family for special events post divorce

Counselling Kids after death in family Foster kids lose the sense of identity and family practices from birth families

Counselling Kids after death in family  Access to memorable objects that are left behind or destroyed

The Tasks of Grief Recovery

Healing through the grief process is a complicated journey. However, experts have identified 4 key challenges. Many will face these challenges along the journey.

T =  To Accept the reality of the loss

E – Experience the pain of the loss

A = Adjust to the new environment without the person

R = Reinvest in the new reality

Children Talking about Grieving After Death of Family Member

A wonderfully produced video produced by CBS station, hosted by Katie Couric. If you don’t know her story Katie’s husband died when her children were still very young. She, like many others, had to grow to learn how to survive through her own pain while supporting her children.

Key Learnings from Video on How to Support Children after a Death

  • Its not possible, as a parent, to protect children from ever feeling pain.
  • 1 out of 20 children will lose at least 1 parent or sibling by the time they are 15 years old
  • Children want an answer for “where did the deceased loved one go?” Very young children struggle to understand the finality of death.
  • Children need to be told the truth. Use the hard “D-Word”. The person has died, s/he is dead. Avoid language like “passed”, “gone to sleep and didn’t wake up”, “lost”, etc.
  • Understand that children have a range of emotional reactions to death. They will express sadness, they will express anger, confusion, and even “the appearance of happiness”. Dr Silverman states that children laugh or smile. She refers to this as the “fear-grin” reaction. They are frightened but do not know how to express it.

Recommended Storybooks for Parents To Read with Children

As a child therapist, I often use storybooks in my play therapy practice. They help kids understand the language around death. These books normalize different feelings. They also identify ways to think about the loss and cope better.  I am sharing with you three of my favourites in the bereavement theme. You can make a quick purchase from Amazon by clicking on picture.

Book for kids dealing with death -dinosaurs
Its hard dealing with death - hide feelings
I Miss You

                                        

Why You Might Want to Get Counselling for A Child

When a family member dies, the adults in the family may be overwhelmed by their own grief and experience great difficulty in whole-heartedly supporting a child too. It might be a benefit for your child to have a neutral party to come alongside and walk with them through their grief journey. A professional counsellor will not be triggered emotionally by the child’s emotions and behaviour, and have the skills and tools to engage a child at their developmental level.

Continue reading “Childhood Grief Recovery”

Get the Most from Parent-Teacher Meetings

-Questions to Ask At First Parent-Teacher Conference

Parent-Teacher Conference Tips, supporting school-home connection.

Back to school season brings the opportunity for parent-teacher meetings, and a chance to get a valuable glimpse into your child’s education. While the excitement of these meetings might fade as your children get older, they remain one of the most effective ways to partner with teachers and ensure your child’s success. To help you make the most of this time, here are some key topics to discuss that will empower you and give you a clear purpose for your next meeting. Go into the meeting knowing what you want to get out of it.

Talking to Your Child’s Classroom Teacher

Communication:

How does this teacher prefer to communicate with you and to receive communication from you? Discuss what works and does not work well for your family.

Curriculum:

What will your child be learning this year? How will assessments be done to verify that s/he is learning? Be sure to let the teacher know if there are topics that are of special interest to your child. “Do you have any expertise in any of these topics?” – this might be a good avenue to volunteer and serve the school community.

Homework

How much homework will be given? How will the assignments be communicated? What are the consequences of missed assignments? In some classrooms assignments count as a portion of your child’s grades.  How does your teacher see your role as a parent in homework supervision?

Read More: The Stressed Parent’s Guide To Homework Without War 

Classroom Discipline:

What are the primary rules in the classroom? How will the teacher recognise positive behaviours as well as manage inappropriate behaviours? If you know your child is prone to acting up inappropriately don’t gloss over it. It is more productive for your family to engage your teacher early in open conversation about your child’s challenges. Be sure to let the teacher know 2 strategies that work well for these behaviours at home. And/Or, you can ask him/her for advise, “how have you successfully dealt with _______________  in the past?” This will go a long way in building a collaborative supportive network for your child.

Parent Involvement:

How can you support your child’s learning at home? How can you support the classroom in the year? Maybe you can’t volunteer weekly but you can help at home with material prep. Or maybe you can help sponsor or coach a school’s extra-curricular program (sports, clubs, events, etc). Teachers often have an idea of the calendar of field trips for the year, or at least for the present term/semester. Ask if you can get a copy so that you can arrange your schedule in advance to attend. Children whose parents are more involved in their school life have been demonstrated to get better grades and are more successful in their adult years.

Accommodations & Supports:

If your child has a learning disability, #ADHD, a sensory processing disorder, #anxiety, or other areas of special needs this may be a primary issue for you. Don’t be afraid to ask, “how will you modify your teaching methods and pace to accomodate for my child’s unique learning needs?” “Are there supports in the school to facilitate my child’s potential to succeed at school?” These may include a special education teacher, a child psychologist or counselor, a parent tutor, a peer to peer mentoring program, access to occupational therapy, a reading specialist, psycho-educational testing,  etc. If your school or school district does not offer in house services ask your principal for referrals to community service providers. I am sad to say that if you do not ask these questions your child might not access supportive services. (As a former special education teacher this is a pain point for me). I have observed this too frequently with recent immigrant families who might not yet know the richness of supports in our Canadian education system.

 Home School Connection

Parent involvement is a growing priority in many of our school boards. This is a good trend in education. Hosting parent-teacher meetings is only one of several ways to support the valuable home-school connection and parent-teacher partnerships. I hope this post will help you feel more equipped and confident to engage in your child’s school.

Related Resources for Families

How To Raise Kids Who Can Succeed

Surprising Tools Your Dollar Store Has To Help With Homework

Back to School Anxiety in Teens

At Help for Families Canada we provide counselling for kids who are struggling in school – whether it is academically or socially or both. I am well equipped to support children who have a #learningdisability, #ADHD, or other special needs. We also work collaborately with classroom teachers and child-care services so that we are all on the same plan. 

Look at our Child & Adolescent Counselling Services to find out more. 

HIDDEN GEMS IN SIBLING RELATIONSHIPS

Are You Blinded By The Rivalry?

Family Conflict School-aged siblings
Graphics by BFB, Source Unsplash

5 Gems You Might Be Overlooking in Parenting

Brothers and sisters family relationships are synonymous with fighting. If you are a parent with more than one child you know the drama of sibling conflict. The pettiness of persistent arguing, competition, and tattling can make a mother or father want to flee their own home. While I know this is a common experience in many families there are some positive elements in the sibling bond that can be hidden in the shadows. My aim in this post is to increase our awareness of opportunities to appreciate the hidden benefits of sibling relationships.

1.  Coded Communication

Brothers and sisters often have a secret code they share in their communication with each other that outsiders, like parents, don’t understand. The sibling coded communication can be gestures, notes, text messages sent to each others’ cell or, mystery words hidden in open dialogue. Siblings code each other  sometimes with threats, but most often it is used to share information or to request for cover-up by the other party. If your kids are sharing secret messages it’s a clue of a supportive element hidden in the typical sibling rivalry.

Sibling-Coded-Communication-Definition

2. Comraderie

Some siblings have the maternal ear to hear and recognise the unique cry pitch of their younger sibling that translates “help”. They will leave the other side of the room, playground, or  mall to find out what’s happenning.
When outsiders come against or threaten one sibling the other comes forcibly to their defense. The typical warring parties put aside their differences and stand firm to protect each other. It is not often seen in the public eye because, who wants to be seen defending their annoying little sister, but, it’s a heart-tugger to behold. “No, you can’t do that to my sister”. “That is hers give it back to her now.” You see your son stand between your daughter and the child provoking her.

3. Inclusion of Brother or Sister

When my little girl starting going to school at kindergarten, my son was in grade 5. There were days she didn’t feel like working through the kindergarten playground social politics. Instead, she would ask her older brother if she could play with him. You know what?  I’m surprised how often he and his friends included her in their basketball games at recess time.
It doesn’t always happen, sometimes a younger child’s desire to be included by their sibling is the source of conflict,  but it can happen, I have had lunch supervisors attest to it. Look out for it. Having compassion on a sibling who is feeling left out is a building block of what could later grow into a caring nurturing relationship.

4. Seeking Security and Comfort

Scary things can happen in the lives of kids. It could be a being threatened by a bully,  nightmares, or shared exposure to domestic violence in the home. When kids are scared they often seek comfort and shelter in the presence of another sibling. In the case where parents are not at their best capacity (due to addictions, over-employment, mental health struggles) the sibling bond substitutes for the parent-child bond. As a family counsellor I have seen cases where this  substitution can become dysfunctional at extremes, nevertheless, a balanced close secure sibling attachment typically is a positive resiliency factor. Kids in well functioning families tell me that they reach out to their siblings when they are scared at night, when they are upset with a parent or, when they have a secret to share.

5. Words of Encouragement


Frustration is the most difficult emotion for young children. They are just experimenting and learning new skills and when they do not perform to their satisfaction they can tantrum or show avoidance of the activity. A caring sibling might then come alongside them and offer words of encouragement. “Don’t give up Nancy, you can do it…just try one more time, I’ll help you”..This is frequently evident in families where children have a sibling with special needs (aspergers, adhd, autism, learning disability, physical disability, etc). Peer support and encouragement helps to boost self-esteem, grit, and the growth mindset for success.

 

Being The Enlightened Calm Mom or Dad

A strategic parent is aware of weaknesses, limitations, and hidden strengths. Looking at your children through the lens of the hidden strengths will maximise your capacity to maintain your inner peace in the waves of conflict. Empowered with the vision of potential you can now intentionally provide more opportunities for growth in these areas. (Get more connection tips in our post: How This Mom Helps Her Kids Get Along, shared by our guest blogger Ellie Hirsch).

However don’t bury your head in the sand if conflict is destructive. Sometimes sibling conflict can be dangerous. Seek advice from a trusted friend or psychologist,  if a child’s emotional or physical health is at risk.

The tasks and phases of child development should typically support the increase in social skills (better conflict management, emotional regulation, and the expression of positive warmth and regard.)

HOLD ON TO HOPE.  REACH OUT FOR HELP IF YOU NEED IT. 

Book a Phone Inquiry Call

Learn more about how to support your kids’ relationships

Related Parenting Resources

Links to Help Families  

How This Mom Helps Her Kids Get Along  

Siblings in Family Play Therapy

Books for Parents 

Peaceful Parents, Happy Siblings

Siblings Without Rivalry

Books for Kids on Sibling Relationship

Siblings You Are Stuck Together so Stick Together

How to Take the GRR Out Of Anger

Bratty Brothers and Selfish Sisters

Give It Back – a storybook for kids 3-8 years old.

No, Its Mine – A storybook for kids 3-8 years old

Family Play Therapy for Sibling Conflict

Family Counselling for High Sibling Conflict

Empathy Training Play Therapy Sibling Relationships

Is this normal? Do I need help?

Sibling rivalry is as old as time. Way back in the beginning Cain and Abel exhibited extreme jealousy and conflict. Once there are two people living together there will be conflict. But depending on personality, shared interests, and emotional intelligence some siblings actually have harmonious relationships.   But, not all conflict is problematic or threatening. So why would you consider counselling?

Psychological harm

When one child, perhaps a very sensitive one, internalizes insults and threats, it can impair their self-image Sensitive kids can become anxious  when overpowered by the anger or rage of another dominant or aggressive sibling. Aggressive sibling relationships can create domino effect extending from the home to school and general peer relationship difficulties (social withdrawal, poor social skills, peer rejection). Family therapy should be considered for both children.

Physical Harm

Children fight, especially brothers, but if a child is being injured at the expense of a sibling repeatedly, you have a problem bigger than you. Honestly, if you were able to deal with it on your own, it would not be a repetitive problem. As a parent, you have a responsibility to keep all your children safe. If you’re struggling to ensure safety, GET HELP immediately. Taking proactive steps can prevent the involvement of external systems like governmental child protection services.

Combative Family Culture

Every family has conflict. However if the general atmosphere of your home is tense, combative, and disconnected it could be problematic. Children thrive in an atmosphere of warmth, open expression of affection, acceptance, emotional intelligence and open communication and constructive problem solving. Poor outcomes for children are associated with power and domination in the home.

Benefits of Family Play Therapy for Sibling Conflict

  • Better communication
  • Discover and encourage shared interest
  • Relationship repair – apology and forgiveness
  • Competition Skills – how to win, lose, and bounce back
  • Problem solving & Conflict Resolution
  • Relationship building skills
  • Assertiveness
  • Emotional fortitude for the highly sensitive child

PLAY THERAPY TECHNIQUES

  • Story-telling
  • Art making and processing
  • Sandtray
  • Game-playing
  • Puppet-play
  •  

Read More: How Play Helps Your Child Heal

FIND OUT ABOUT OUR FAMILY COUNSELLING SERVICES

Help for Families Canada  serves children, parents, and families in South Edmonton and virtually in Alberta and Canada-wide. We do play therapy with the children. We provide art and talk therapy for teens. Parent coaching for moms & dads is available as well as family therapy.

Visit: Counselling Services 

Contact us:

Related Therapy Resources for Child Psychologists or Social Workers

Siblings Without Rivalry

Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings

Storybooks for Children & Tweens

Bratty Brothers and Selfish Sisters

The Sibling Survival Guide

Siblings You Are Stuck Together so Stick Together

Key Traits of Parents Raising Successful Kids

Characteristics of Parents of Successful Kids

Raising Kids Who Can Succeed -Parenting Secrets

Want to know how to raise successful kids who thrive long after childhood?

As parents, we pour years of love, energy, and resources into our children. Deep down, our greatest hope is that they grow into confident, capable adults who find joy, purpose, and success in life.

You’re already doing so much to guide them. But having a clear roadmap can make the journey easier—and even more rewarding.

Recent studies from respected universities have identified common traits in parents whose children go on to flourish. In this article, you’ll discover 8 powerful, practical characteristics you can begin weaving into your everyday parenting.

Think of them as gentle guideposts—new-year resolutions that not only support your child’s future success but also strengthen your bond as a family. By embracing these principles, you’ll be creating a foundation of security, resilience, and love that will serve your children for years to come.

I want to share some invaluable habits and key principles that can guide your son or daughter toward a positive path. At the end of this post, you’ll also find a bonus PDF download containing additional tips, solutions, and tools that I usually only share with my parenting coaching clients. If you’re interested, you can read the full article on the 13 characteristics published by Rachel Gillett and Drake Baer in Business Insider (May 2017).

What Can Parents Do To Raise Successful Kids?

1. They hold kids responsible for their chores … discipline

  Yes I understand the whining and the draining repetitive reminders we have to endure as parents to get some of our kids to do chores. You may be lucky to have that fun-loving kid who considers 10 minutes at the sink to be equivalent to doing 10 months of time in prison, “what crime have I  done mom that you would draw me away from my game to do the dishes?”. However, chores teach kids the valuable lesson of discipline and responsibility. Work is to be done because work is to be done. Work is a part of contributing to the whole family. It creates a sense of positive identity (“this is my job”) and service and importance (“Others are depending on me to do this, I am important”).

“Kids raised on chores go on to become employees who collaborate well with their co-workers, are more empathetic, … and are able to take on tasks independently”, states Julie Lythcott-Haims, former Dean at Stanford University.

I have found as a counsellor for a number of families that if parents make the effort to institute the discipline of chores in their families from an early age, there is significantly less of a struggle later on in adolescence. But, if you must engage in the struggle with your tween or teen, begin this weekend, it will be harder but it’s not too late. (Bring in back-up enforcers – grandparents)

2) They teach their kids social skills early and continually

Research indicate that a child’s capacity to get along well with others well in kindergarten is a good indicator of that child’s success 20 years later, becoming college graduate and employed. The converse finding is that low social skills at a young age indicated criminal activity, addiction, unemployment and poverty. Wait, don’t panic, if your kid is beyond kindergarten and struggling, there is hope, social skills can be learnt. You can help him/her at home looking frequently for “teachable moments” and optimising them. You can also get help from a school counsellor, the child and youth worker, or a therapist. Supports are available to help in the school, and in the community (e.g., support and skills groups for kids, individual and family counselling).

This is so important I am going to share with you 4 social skills that you can begin to work on at home this year. There are a lot of possibilities but you want to start with only a limited few as goals. You or with your child’s class teacher may be able to find what’s personalised for your unique child.

  • Emotional Language
    • How to identify and label different states of mind and feelings in self and in others
  • Share and Take Turns
    • Kids must learn to share and take turns with others during play and or work. “What do I do while I wait for my turn?”
  • Manage their own strong emotions
    • Emotions ( such as- anger, fear, jealousy, frustration), and impulses (“I feel like and want to hit, but I won’t”).
  • Problem-solving
    • Ask self “what can I do when I’m not getting along with others?”

    •  

3) They Believe In and Have High Expectations Of Their Children

Every child was created with potential. Parents who can recognize and help their child discover the potential within them, even if it’s sometimes deeply buried, will assist that child in achieving their best. Believing in your child isn’t a mystical concept, it translates in the words you speak to them, the way you challenge and encourage them, and the resources you invest in them. Communicating high expectations is not perfectionism but it is holding them accountable for performing at their best level. The most important benefit of believing in your child is their internalisation of that value and they learn  to believe in themselves too. This develops in the context of attachment parenting. A child who from his soul believes in themselves is unstoppable.

Watch the video of Oprah describing the huge contribution the  belief in herself, and positive self-image made to her achievements (Find the link in the download at the end).  

4) Agreeable Relationships Between Parents or Co-Parents

Coparenting is a lifelong commitment that extends beyond the boundaries of the marital union. Every couple has conflict. Many couples have strong conflict about their different parenting styles and   opposing family values and beliefs. But, when conflict becomes hostile, the children are negatively impacted. Hostility between parents has a negative impact on kids whether their parents are living together, separated, or divorced. In fact, conflict isn’t just hostile, the undercurrent of passive-aggression and quiet contempt is equally disturbing for children (of divorce). Children become highly stressed (higher cortisol levels) in these environments and this blocks their capacity to learn, to cope well, to perform at school or sports, or maintain their own peer relationships.

Mothers and fathers who learn to work together as partners in parenting, raise children who are more happy, well adjusted, and are higher achievers. (By the way, partnering as parents involves skills and structures that can be learnt. There are many parenting classes or parenting after separation programs in your community to help.) #bestinterest

5) They have a positive, caring relationship with their kids.

Since John Bowlby first reveal his theory of attachment we know that children who are raised by attentive, responsive caregivers develop a positive worldview of themselves and others and this is a building blocks for success in childhood and on into adulthood. (This is my sweet, passion spot, I can write on and on, this is why I do parent coaching).

Children who have a good healthy relationship with their parents just do better, at basically,.. almost,… EVERYTHING.

Tania Bryan -Help for Families Canada.

All your investment in providing your child with music lessons to learn to play the piano, tennis and hockey coaching, private in-home tutoring in math and the sciences, all sorts of technology and learning devices, together they do not give you the return on investment, as spending quality time with your kids, and becoming a calm, confident, caring parent. #attachment

6) They Are Less Stressed

I hinted at this before. Children mirror the emotions of their caregivers, and significant people around them. If you are stressed out, hypervigilant, and irritable children internalise these states and act them out. Yes, sometimes kids act out what you are holding inside. The solution is, as a parent, learn to manage your personal stress with self-care and positive coping strategies, and your kids will learn to do the same and, thus be able to thrive. #self-care #stressmanagement 

7) They have a growth mindset – valuing learning over avoiding failure

Carol Dweck, was the first to propose the idea of a growth mindset. It is the belief that one’s success is not based on fixed, unchangeable innate traits (intelligence or attractiveness, talents, etc.) but characteristics or skills that can be learnt, and developed with time and effort. This is powerful in parenting because children learn from their moms and dads that  failure or limitations are only obstacles to overcome or detours and not dead-end or cliff (#growthmindset #failforward). Listen to Carol Dweck explain it herself at a TED Talk .

8. They teach “grit” or perseverance

Grit, is defined as “a tendency to sustain interest in and effort toward very long-term goals”  stated by psychologist, Angela Duckworth (as cited by Gillet & Baer, 2017).

Let’s break this down.

  • A “tendency” is a lifestyle habit of being. Grit doesn’t develop as a one-time occurrence. It builds in repetition.
  • “to sustain interest in and effort” To sustain something is to keep it going in spite of the resistances to stop it. To sustain interest and effort is to keep motivated and committed the application of energy and work. (I believe in faith but even the Bible teaches that faith without work is futile). Motivation can be internally sourced or it can be inspired by others.
  • Toward – speaks to direction, having a focus. Effort is not just spewed aimlessly. Effort and interest is intentional.
  • Very long term-goals – Having goals speaks to having vision, having a dream. The capacity to imagine and visualise things that are not as if you they are. To build an imaginary bridge from the future into the present. It involves delayed gratification because the dream they imagine is not available in the instant. A long term goal is one you have to wait and work for a long-time.

To overcome the urge to quit, in the face of the many, many, many obstacles life is sure to present itself to child, they should have some practise under your positive guidance with the trait of grit.

Successful Parent Quote - Tania Bryan Parenting Coach

Struggles of Special Needs Kids On The Road To Success

Not all children are equal. I am not going into the fixed mindset and contradicting myself, but I must in honour of some of the kids I counsel, recognise that some kids struggle more than others. I’m not meaning to limit and pigeon-hole them, but by bringing these struggles out into the open, I hope to encourage parents who are struggling with them in silence to know that there is a space to talk about these challenges. So,… along the journey of parenting, here are some of the challenges some of you might experience.  

Coming Up In Follow-Up Blog Post Are Solutions to Some of These Parenting Challenges

  • Regarding Chores with the Uncooperative, Irresponsible Child
  • Regarding Social skills for ADHD child
  • Regarding Believing In The Unmotivated Child
  • Regarding limited stress and the chronically stressed or Anxious Child
  • Regarding Perfectionism in children and fostering a growth-mindset to embrace failure

Opportunity for More Personalised Parenting Support

If you are living with any of these issues, FOLLOW this BLOG as the next post will address some of these issues. In fact, if you comment now below and tell me what’s personal to you, I promise to focus in on the issues most relevant to my readers and subscribers.


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Thanks & Get Your Free Download

Download your pdf guide “Download – What Any Parent Can Do To Raise Successful Children- Help Families Canada” it includes the list of characteristics mentioned in this post plus, additional solutions, tools and resources that may help you in this journey. 

______________________________________________________________________________

Help for Families Canada provides individual & family counselling to children, parents, and families. We help parents face the struggles they silently endure, but now, not alone. Parents receive support in how to set firm boundaries and responsibilities with their kids, how to master the chaos of out of control feelings, how to motivate and encourage their unmotivated and their driven kids, and how to take care of themselves so they can succeed along with their kids. Co-Parenting Classes help parents unite around the mutual vision of raising successful kids. Often time, with play therapy techniques such as storytelling and gameplaying, kids learn the skills and mindsets they need to maximise their potential to succeed. Find out more about our Counselling Services in Edmonton. You can schedule online for a FREE Phone Consult Call.